COUNTING ON IT......

Well it's Sat. afternoon and Jeff had a wedding he was in clear up in Ventura so I am sitting here by myself. I "maybe" would have gone to the wedding except... 1) My back is STILL bothering me quite a bit and so therefore a long car drive seemed like a nightmare for sure. 2) I truly had nothing to wear and couldn't bear the thought of buying an outfit to go to a wedding when I would probably never wear it again. I could think of a dozen different ways I'd rather spend my money (if I had any to spend) 3) I knew ABSOLUTELY no one meaning I would have been sitting there like a dork while Jeff was in the wedding. Soooo I chose not to attend...I'm sure this was all quite interesting. haha ANYWAY, Jeff was suppose to be home 20 min ago and mom and Joe should be here in a half hour. They are coming over to "hang out" and play our beloved "Hand and Foot" card game. Mom and I soo kicked their butts last time I'm not quite sure why they would like a repeat performance, but I'm usually up for the challenge. I'm fighting a mild depression today (you might want to stop reading here Mel) as for some reason I have been dwelling AGAIN on how much I hate that Mel doesn't live near us anymore. Mom really did have some good points this morning, and I am doing my best to dwell on them. Melody seems very happy with Mike, and settled into her married life and TRUST me that is what I want, but I can't help but feel left behind. It was like I was thinking.. we all set out in this life climbing up this mountain. Along the way there are many different twists and turns and stops and fast spots, but eventually you reach the top and begin your(much faster this time) descent down. I have definitely reached the top and have begun plummeting downward and it's just so weird to realize that her life has just barely begun and there is just so much I won't be able to see. And not because I'm where I am at in life, but because she simply isn't here....It's much worse than I pictured, and I pictured it kind of bad...and yet....life goes on. It's exactly as it should be. You raise your kids to be independent and to find their way in this world, and funny thing they do. It's her turn to marry, start her career as a teacher, probably start a family in a few years and then raise them to do the same thing. And so it all goes on and on. It's funny how I can TRULY be so happy for her, and sad for me all at the same time. I'm grateful for Jeff and my boys (all stuck right here with mom) and my WONDEROUS daughter-in-laws whom I love to pieces, and my grandchildren who bless my life with their precious little faces and voices. But for right now, today, I'm still doing my best to settle into the reality of my only daughter lives 1000 miles away. She's coming next week of course, and yet I'm already projecting ahead to when she will leave. VERY foolish and pointless I know as I rob myself of some of the pleasure of her actually being here, but it's where my heart goes no matter how I try to stop it. I am counting on EVENTUALLY it will seem totally regular and I will "move along" (as I always tell my kids) and stop my constant bawling over this turn in my life. I will look forward to her coming, cherish the time while she is here, and send her back to her home with Mike with a happy heart. Counting on it.......

EXCITEMENT

Well, I am excited about a few things right now so I decided to make a blog about them. First, I am excited that the first women's Bible study group will meet at my house this Friday morning at 10. This is something I have been thinking and praying about for a while now, and I am really hoping it will be something that everyone involved will get what they personally need out of. I really wish EVERY woman in our family could be involved, but I realize of course that it can't be done. Might be quite the drive for Crystal and Mel. haha And of course I realize that others work, live to far or have other obligations. But know that you are ALWAYS welcome and can jump on any time you would like. We will just see where the Lord takes us on this. And if at any time you have a prayer request that you would like the group to pray about, simply send it in a post, or just call someone in the group to let them know. Second, I am excited because I "think" Diane's success and encouragement and enthusiasm have motivated to get serious about my dieting again. I ask in advance for every one's prayers on this, as it is sooo difficult for me. And thirdly I am excited (as I mentioned in my main page blog) that my Melly is coming in a week. This has been soooo much harder than I ever thought it would be. It feels like forever since I have seen her, even though it is has only been a little over two months. I know Rhonda can relate, and I know the rest of you can only imagine your daughters living sooo far away....I just flat out miss her sooo much. OK, guess that is it for now....I'm on my way to take Evan for orthodontist appointment and see all my grand kids at Joe's house....yeah!!!

GRANDKIDS.....

Well, I've decided there needs to be a separate blog just about my grandkids..I spent all day Sat. with Jimmy's pack enjoying them more than you can imagine, and all afternoon Sunday with Joe's....I guess what I continue to find amazing is the depth of my attachment to them. I guess you would have to be a grandma to get it...But I can already say I love both Donatella and Cody to pieces and they've barely begun their journeys here on earth, and lets fact it, don't do much beyond eating, sleeping and pooping....Cody, for me, is just a little Joe replica. haha Right down to include the way he eats. Di and Danae I'm sure can remember how feeding Joe was. He'd cry franctically until I got the bottle in his mouth, suck hysterically, bawl dileriously if you took the bottle out of his mouth for a burping and then promptly barf. Then he'd finish up exhausted and promptly go into a coma, only to repeat the process 3 hours later. haha Oh wait, there was a mid bottle pooping as well, which took him a good 10 minutes. Well, Cody is already following along. He cried yesterday quite hysterically until his got his bottle, and then if I would even check to let the air out of the nipple or something, let alone for a burp, he'd cry through the entire process as if he had never eaten in his life. He also barfed at one point after he drained 6 ounces. haha He's grown alot already. I couldn't stop myself for some reason from just kissing him to peices. Little Jeff said to me at one point, "Grandma, he poops ALOT!!" He was awake quite a while as well, sucking franctically on his pacifier (ala Joe) and looking around with his eyes wide open as if he might miss something. Annabel sat next to me and caught me up on her stories as well. Jess, her hair has faded more than I thought it might. Might not make it as long as I thought she might. Lindsey seemed quite grown up and was working Cody when I arrived (had just changed a poopy diaper, very well I might add as I checked it out) like she was 14 instead of 8. Sooo Lindsey.....told me just what I needed to know like a seasoned pro. She is really going to be a BIG help to her mama I can tell. Little Jeff was adorable as always. Grandma misses alone time with him and will have to remedy that sometime this week. He's just sooo cute. Evan got his first wrestling lesson from Grandpa and it was hard to tell who enjoyed it more. Evan is hoping to wrestle in high school next year, and who better than Jeff and Joe to get him ready for that....Donatella was soooo sweet and spent most of her day sleeping on Grandma again. We did have to give Grandpa a turn or two, but the other two enjoy him to much to share much of him with their new sister. She is looking quite a bit like Capri I think, but I am seeing some Larissa as well. Capri was quite perky with her new kitties and unicorn horse that we brought with us for her. She has the most active imagination I've seen and has elaborate games of pretend going almost all the time. She played the giant (Grandpa) catches her and someone (usually her daddy) has to rescue her for a LONG LONG time. She so obviously loved it. She'd stick her little heiny out and back up until she was almost on top of Jeff and then he'd grab her and she'd squeel with delight. JD is in a category all alone. I LOVE to listen to him talk, dive around, wrestle with his daddy and Grandpa, and just be generally darling. And all the while wearing his Buz Lightyear costume much to the annoyance of the other kids at the park who couldn't quite figure out why he was getting to do such a fun thing. haha He's soooo Jimmy to me. I don't know if it is watching my own kids again through my grandkids, or watching my kids work their kids that gives me more pleasure. But either way, Grandkids are by far the BIGGEST and BEST of all God's blessings, and I am sooooo grateful for mine I doubt I could ever explain it properly....

GENERAL HODGE PODGE

Well, I "MAY" finally be done messing with my blog page...but who knows?? I really hadn't planned on changing the background and colors AGAIN, but suddenly I had NO background, and I am not sure how it happened. It's funny though, when I went to add them this time I did it in merely minutes. When I think that the first time I did it, I labored over it for HOURS, I guess maybe I have actually learned a thing or two...Once again my head is full of thoughts and ideas and I am not certain what I consider the most important or pressing...this may be just a general hodge podge of thoughts, feelings and musings....haha I'm thinking there is so many things I really need to change in my life and I how seldom I seem to accomplish any of them...why is that do you suppose?? Are they unrealistic, am I too lazy or set in my ways, am I weak, do I always procrastinate, or do I simply always try to do things using only my own power, rather than relying on a mighty God who can do all things?? What exactly is it that I have accomplished with my life considering it is (more than likely) over half way over?? And that's if I am lucky. Sometimes I look around and hear what others have done (and are still doing) and I feel like I haven't done much at all. I need to be involved in some way at church, and I have known this for a while...I've thought about volunteering my time somewhere such as at a local hospital or something. I could be one of those volunteer ladies that tell people where to go couldn't I? I should be involved in a weekly women's Bible study group. There are many many closets and drawers in my house that I really should be organizing. If I don't start exercising who knows what might end up happening to my body. Which brings me to the biggest of all...I NEED to lose weight badly. I've tons and tons of pictures that need to be sorted and organized. My plants in the back, are sadly in need of attention.....and the list could go on and on. I could give you "reasons" why I don't do some of these things, some legitimate, but I will spare you. And yet, I spend my days driving around enjoying my grand kids, talking to my sisters and my mother on the phone, lunching with my friends, and spending time with my husband whenever he can be free from his time consuming and draining job. I look for ways and times to hang out with my kids and my daughters in laws, and enjoy them, and carry on long conversations when and if I get the chance. I do really enjoy working with the little kids in my life teaching them little things I am capable of teaching them, and do this whenever I get the chance. I've always followed other's lives through the Internet, I've many friends I e-mail, and I dive onto the couch with a good book whenever I can get one in my hands. In fact, when I finish here I plan on going to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions, and then to the Christian book store to get those series of books Danae you told me about. And now having added on this family blog thing, I find a GREAT deal of my time on here looking for something I may have missed somewhere in some one's life. With all these things, and then the things I MUST do to keep up on daily living (ie: laundry, dishes, picking up, paying bills etc.) I find my life going by at rocket speed and there never seems to be those other things accomplished. So I am wondering, what is the answer?? Maybe (though I have tried this) I should pick one or two of the most pressing, (losing weight and exercising maybe?) and concentrate on those for a while. Or maybe my eternity is more important, and I should spend more time in Bible studies and/or church. I could pick one closet or a couple of drawers a week and organize them. I've done this before and it works well. At least for a while until I find they are all a mess AGAIN. Or, should I just do the best I can with all these things (as I've always done) and enjoy the people in my life?? This sounds the best...and yet there is the nagging guilt about my list that is always there. I want to feel like my life has counted. I don't know "why" I've always had this so large, but I just do. Welp, I guess that's it for now. Talk about random....as I said, sometimes weird things ramble around up there in my head. What pops into your heads with these thoughts, I'd be most curious to know. I Don't think this is too nipped Jim, but I did do my best. haha Love, me

MY FAMILY

Well, I think it's time for a "new" post in Debbie's Dribble. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed all the names everyone has come up with for their blogs. Such a genius group of people. haha I can't decide what to write as soooo many ideas are floating around in my head that I can't seem to pick one out. lol I kind of thought at one point it would be interesting some day to look back and remember what I thought about and how I felt when I was 54 years old. I wish I had done it all my life. Kind of a diary I guess in a way. So I think what I am going to start with, are my feelings about all the significant people in my family. If it gets too long, or too boring, I guess you could just stop reading any time you would like. But I am going to try and do this nonetheless......I guess of course I would have to start with Jeff. I guess I would think my feelings here are obvious. He is not only my husband of 34 years, but my best friend. I know for a very certain fact I could have never gotten through all the hard times in my life without him, and the good times and the memories and history we share could never be compared. He has put up with my "Merrickness" if you know what I mean, haha, and my anxieties, illnesses,and ignorances about world affairs with patience and stength. I like to think I have kept him amused along the way... :) Joe, my firstborn, is a very significant force in my life. He is a loving son and he always manages to make me feel protected, cared for and loved. Life with Joe has never been boring or ordinary. He always manages to stand out in whatever he does. I have always been sooo proud of Joe. We certainly have our moments (we push each others buttons with a quick and sometimes deliberate push) but there is never any doubt where we stand in each others hearts...John, is probably the most like me and therefore the connection I have with him is so understood by both of us, it would be hard to explain. He makes me laugh like few others I know. Our conversations go way under the surface and we can talk about things in very meaningful ways. John is so smart he truely amazes me sometimes with the wide variety of subjects he knows so much about. I am sooo glad he has spent this last year back with us, as it has enabled us to enjoy each other as adults on a different level that we probably never would have....Jimmy has always been my kid who is so much like his father, it was kind of scary. This means he is giving, helpful, and has no problem serving others. We have always enjoyed a close, wonderous relationship. Even when he was living out his rebellious years as a teenager, I didn't really worry too much about him, as I felt his heart wouldn't allow him to stray too far. I think he is a wonderful husband and father and the pride I feel when I hear him teach God's Word, truely can't be expressed....which brings me to Mel....anyone who knows me, knows the way I feel about her. She is the sun shine in my life as corny as that sounds. The connection we have always had is strong and never ending. I enjoy talking with her, being with her, and depend upon her in ways that are odd considering how young she really still is. Her living a 1000 miles away is more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. I am proud of her accomplishments and admire her determination and stength. The love I feel for all of my grandchildren amazes even me. I guess I just didn't realize how strong those bonds would be until I had them. But they touch my heart and bring me more joy than I could ever express. I want sooo much for all of them to grow into wonderful people who live happy and productive lives. I have the best daughter in laws in the world and my relationships with them have added so much to my life I wonder now how I ever got along without them. I grew to love my son in law Mike right along with Mel and I am grateful that he makes me feel that Melody is loved and cared for. My sisters are people I could never get along without and I would never want to try. I enjoy a strong bond with them all and they are my best and forever friends as well. My mother and Joe I love beyond comprehension and I have depended on them for all the regular reasons children depend upon their parents. They are always there for me, cheering me on and feeling bad with me when I am down. I enjoy a friendship with my mom that makes me feel like everything is just not quite right with my day until I talk to her. Well, I guess that's about it. Kind of a weird post I know. All of you mean so much to me as well by the way, and play your different roles significantly in my life. I honestly don't know what I'd do without any of you...........Well, I guess that's it for now. I guess I felt like if I was going to write a blog that was about me, I had to write about the significant people in my life, as all of you have helped to make me who I am.....

IS IT COLD ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE???

Hello to all....

Well, I just returned from running a few errands and I am quite glad to be back inside my warm house. It is sooooo cold out there!! Let's face it, very UN California like. The temperature thing by my house said 40 degree's and it is only 2:30 in the afternoon!! Makes me wonder if "maybe" it might snow if the temperature continues to drop. I know Di is probably being buried alive in snow again up there, as it is pouring rain here right now. While I was pumping gas (yes I had to actually get out and freeze to death doing that fun little chore) I noticed a homeless man hunched over with a soaking wet hooded sweat shirt shuffling along, walking slowly towards the intersection, even though it seemed like he should have been hurrying with the rain coming down like it was. I felt bad (like I always do) and yet what can I really do?? It did make me grateful for what I have as I had been telling myself, "just a few minutes and you can get back into your heated car and drive off to your next stop." What if there was NO heated car, NO where to go, and NO place to call home?? The uncertainy of that kind of existence, the despair and depression were clearly seen in this man's slow shuffle as he walked aimlessly by. For his sake (and any others like him) I hope the temperature doesn't continue to go down as his light swearshirt, that was already wet, will never be enough....I did say a quick prayer for him and hopefully he'll find somewhere to go to wait till this storm passes. Well, I hope Jeff and John don't sit in a nighmare of Friday night traffic with this storm, and that they arrive home safely. I also hope everyone has a WONDEROUSLY wonderful Valentine's week-end, and somehow manages to stay warm!! Love to all............Debbie Crystal, I did appreciate your thoughts, comment and prayer. It was sooo good for some reason to hear your input on something that let's face it, in the past you would have never even heard. That is why this is going to be soo good I think......