LINGERING ON THE MOMENTS.....

Well, another busy week-end has come and gone. I love having 3 days in a week-end, and wish it could happen a lot more than it does...It's what it really takes to both get something constructive done, and still have plenty of time to do just plain old nothing.

I've decided I have reached a point in my life where all I do a great deal of the time is analyze things and access where I am at in my life now, and look back at where I was before. Sometimes I travel back years ago in my mind, and sometimes just a little while back. Sometimes, but rarely, I proceed ahead to what "might" be, but that doesn't seem to catch my interest nearly as much...It occurred to me this morning as I sat musing, that when I was younger I ALWAYS looked forward in my mind, wondering just where I might end up someday, or if things would ever change and I would morph into this person I've always intended to be. But not so much any more. I guess I've finally accepted, I am who I am....

I was thinking this morning, that just a short year ago at this time I was knee deep in final wedding preparations for Melody' wedding. As I recall, just about now I was somewhat hysterical as I was frantically trying to figure out just who was coming for sure and get them all arranged on a seating chart. I can't tell you how many times I did and re-did that little chore. With nearly 195 people scheduled to come, it was an overwhelming job. We were also in the midst of running back and forth to the dress shop trying to get Melody's dress to fit like the glove we both could "see" in our minds, and we had yet to actually see a completed bridesmaid dress. Right in the middle of it all, we stopped ever so briefly and attempted to celebrate what was really a HUGE event in her life, and yet somehow despite our best efforts, got somewhat swept to the side. Her college graduation. I do re-call the day well. It was BOILING....to start with. I am talking a good 106 degrees....Jeff and I and Mel arrived at the university and met Jimmy and Larissa and began the LONG walk to the seating area. Mel joined her class and we found our seats amongst the thousands and thousands of parents, grandparents and friends crowding the area. There were graduations going on all over the campus, as the kids graduate according to their degrees. I stupidly found that surprising, though thinking about it I realized it was the only way it could have been done. Over 40,000 people attended the college that year, and many thousands were receiving their diplomas that day. Her area was right smack in the middle of the grass area, with the boiling sun directly over our heads. It wasn't long and we were all sweating profusely, and looking for something to drink. But suddenly the music began and the graduates began their march into the seats set aside for them. We finally spotted Mel, and waving frantically, we got her attention. And it hit me. My baby was graduating from college. She had finally made it. All the years and years of drilling, studying and tests were finally coming to a close. She stood before us a grown young woman with her degree in her hand, and her whole life full of possibilities before her. I became quite emotional. I wasn't prepared for that. For months and months all I had been able to think of was GET THIS OVER WITH.....Her final year was sooo difficult. Full of scheduling conflicts, internships, papers, tests, lectures and work. In between time she flew back and forth to New Mexico to see her fiance, and spent as much time as she could with her girlfriends she was about to move away from. With any left over minutes we planned her wedding. She enjoyed her wedding showers and her bachelorette week-end in a blur. We shopped for her honeymoon and began to pack up her room. And now suddenly here we were. It was all over. I remember thinking at the time, there is no time to dwell on this, no time to let myself go and cry in both happiness and sadness that this was happening. I thought to myself, I will think about all this later, when there is time. We had her celebration luncheon and quickly moved on to the all consuming wedding bonanza. The wedding is another whole day that I occasionally go back to in my mind, and slowly linger on each moment, remembering the little details I didn't have time to focus on at the moment. But that's another day and another blog. Today, right now, I am thinking that she accomplished something I never did. Has the ability to teach which is something I always dreamed about doing, and yet never could. But it is all happening to her and yet sooo far away from me. As I sat talking to her today and she chatted away about her new friends who I've heard so much about that they have become quite familiar to me, and yet I've never even met all of them, it occurred to me for the millionth time recently, that she is really gone. She and Mike are making plans for their future, the home they hope to have, and the kids they want to raise, and I won't really be a part of it all. Not a big part anyway. It made we wish I hadn't rushed so through that final year. Hadn't wished we could just get through things and move ahead. Instead I wish I had focused and dwelt on what was happening at that moment. Melody was graduating from college and all her years of school were coming to a close. It was a LONG LONG road, and full of many, happy wonderful memories I will never forget.... From her very first day of Kindergarten, as a sweet faced little baby waving good bye to me, her eyes somewhat fearful, to the beautiful, confident young woman she had grown into receiving her degree that day. I am sooo proud of you Melody, and I don't think I ever even told you that on that day. How sad....but I am, and I am saying it now. And again, it is really being imprinted on my heart recently, I am going to spend the rest of my life lingering on the moments that come along, and cherish each one to it's fullest. I promise I will....

WHAT GRANDMA'S DO......

Today was my day to watch Jeffie and Cody while Joe attends his owners meeting for work. I have enjoyed these days with Jeffie for several months now, but have only just recently added little Cody into the experience. So far I feel it has gone well, and the boys have really been very good for me. Jeffie quite frankly ALWAYS is, and I enjoy him more than I imagine anyone could really know. He is really very good company for me, and we have a good time whenever we are together. I had noticed the first couple of times I had Cody as well that Jeffie was having a hard time understanding why it was that suddenly he did not have my undivided attention as he always has had in the past. He was NEVER the least bit impatient with Cody about it, or even anything that would have been close to being naughty or whiny either...But Grandma could just tell... = ) Sooo yesterday I took Jeffie for the day just by himself. We started with a fresh hair cut for him...which made me realize just how grown up he has become. When we first started doing this, it was NOT something he enjoyed...haha I had to really talk him through it and even then it was a tip...but yesterday he was actually looking forward to it as they let him play a video game last time while it was being done, which he THOROUGHLY enjoyed, and he has been waiting to need one again so he could play..haha Anyway, we then did lunch, and did a little shopping. I told him I needed his opinion on some more Littlest Pet Shop gear that I wanted to get for my play room. Capri will be equally pleased I have absolutely no doubt...Jeffie was honestly very concerned that he pick out things he thought "Capri might like" as well. I told him that the next time some new things are selected, it will be Capri's turn to go with me to "help" and he seemed to be intrigued as well by what she would pick when it is her turn to go...haha Between the two of them it is a toss up who seems to enjoy these toys the most...I think if I were pressed to the wall I would say it is Capri. She was sooo darling on it all when she came last time and discovered them in the play room. It really is nice having two of them so close in age that enjoy the same things. Works well for me too, haha... Anyway, we ended up back here for a couple of hours where he played with it all to his hearts content, and had Grandma's FULL attention as well. I noticed today he was a new man. He didn't blink an eye when my attention was focused on Cody, and didn't feel the need to tell me sooo many things that are always so pressing to get said...lol He is such a big help to Grandma with Cody, running for bottles, putting in pacifiers etc....Cody is getting soo big and is sooo sweet....He just has the most kissable face. I can't seem to stop myself. Jeffie at one point said, "Grandma, why do you kiss him soo much?" and I said, "It's just what Grandma's do." He laughed and seem to accept that....and now that I have written this whole blog, I realized this isn't even what I wanted to blog about, but I guess I will save that for another day...I have missed everyone writing their posts like they use to... : ( I wish I could think of some way to get you all re-inspired...I was "blogging" this afternoon after the boys left (Grandma was beat) and saw and read some truly inspiring and imaginative and creative blogs...It's a long story how I get onto to all these blogs of people I don't even know (Di does it too) but they are sooo interesting and entertaining....It is MUCH better than reading the newspaper or sometimes even a book. They are real life stories complete with pictures and feelings and I have found myself laughing aloud and literally at times in tears....What a world we live in where we can do things like this...I just know if some of you read some of these blogs you would see what I am talking about and maybe that would inspire you....let me know if you are interested and I can tell you how to get to them....that's it for now, hope you all had a good day!!

UNSCRAMBLE THE EGGS.....

After leaving church this morning, I decided I am going to do my best to never complain again....

Pastor Dave was not there this morning as he did not come back from the Pastors Conference when he was suppose to, because his wife Marie was too ill to travel on Friday. We of course then had a guest speaker. I learned many years ago not to complain when this happens, as I can not tell you the number of times I have been really affected by a visiting speaker....Anyway, this morning's was no exception. The man was a stun....Really, really good. His ministry is to young people who are either already in jail, or on their way. His name is Victor Marx and he has written a book about his life called Everything is possible with God. His goal is to give it to every kid he can who finds himself in that position, or for anyone who thinks God cannot do everything, or no longer performs miracles. Some of the stories he told of the kids whose lives have already been changed by this book were truly inspiring...

This man had a childhood the likes of which you truly couldn't imagine...His biological father left his mom pregnant and alone and his life continued down hill from there. When he was 5 years old he was sexually molested and was left in a cooler to die. However he was found unconscious, and his mother and step father at the time sat him wrapped in a blanket, on a chair, in the sun to "thaw" out, and he lived to tell the story as he said...He was hysterically funny by the way...His mother married 6 times and all the step fathers he had varied in their different ways of abusing him, but they all pretty much did. I guess the first one was by far the worst...He drowned him once in a bath tub where he was repeatedly putting his head under the water and held it there until he passed out. He came to with his step dad giving him mouth to mouth and as he opened his eyes he said to him..."I give you life.." He was a wild alcoholic and got drunk one night and came in the house where he began shooting the lights out as he complained about the electric bill. His mother took him and his brothers into the closet in her bedroom and stood praying for the Lord to protect them. She had left the bedroom door open so as to throw him off that they were in there hopefully, but he knew....He stood at the door screaming at them to come out..He couldn't figure out what in the world kept him from just coming into the room and ripping them all out, so he peered through a crack in the door and saw his step day TRYING to come through the door, but something kept stopping him and pushing him back. He remembers at the time only feeling a huge relief that for some reason he couldn't get through the door, but years later after he became a Christian, he realized an angel had to have no doubt stood at that door and didn't let him through...He eventually passed out and they all escaped and ran away that very night.
He had many other amazing stories of his life too long of course to type here. He is a 7th degree black belt but I didn't even hear that part of his story. He eventually gets into trouble and is given the choice of prison or the service and went into the Marines. He has many many problems as a result of course of his insane child hood. He goes into counseling many times, and at one point is diagnosed Bi Polar and is on several different medications and treatments. All of this never really helps him and he continues on with his life out of control. He finally is lead to the Lord by his biological father (which is another long amazing story too long to tell here) and his life begins to change. He gets off all the medication and finds a Godly councilor who helps him tremendously. He has been married now for 20 years and has 5 children. He had a huge martial arts school for years and years in Hawaii but he finally got involved in this ministry and that's what he does now. He at one point travels back to his original home and lead his step dad who tried to murder him more than once, to the Lord. He was dying at the time and for two weeks he went daily to him and read and talked and prayed with him and finally on the day before he died, lead him through the sinners prayer....

What an unbelievable testimony and ministry this man has. And yet he seemed very ordinary and down to earth and like I said, very funny. He told the stories of his life, leaving you no doubt of the existence and mighty power of God. Everything that happened in his life no matter how horrifying was truly used together to produce the good that is now happening as a result, making Romans 8:28 come to life...."And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, and are called according to His purpose"....How many times do we all wonder why the Lord allows horrible things to happen, or some people to really suffer....and then you hear a story like this, and you no longer have to wonder...We often don't see the end of the story, or see the final result. It might be years and years later, but I don't doubt the purpose is there. God knows who of us are going to come to Him and be saved and so He uses everything He can to accomplish it. We just have to be willing to be used. After I hear a story like this it is much easier somehow to trust that God has truly got everything in His hands. We really do have nothing to fear and worry as He has a plan and a purpose for all of us, and if we are obedient He can use us to. This man is also very careful to say that while our past definitely has an affect on us, and we may suffer consequences as a result for years or maybe even for life, it is NOT impossible for God to "unscramble the eggs" as he said, and make us whole and free of our pasts, and able to be used by Him.

SEASON'S IN LIFE..

As I finished reading Laurie's wonderful post this morning over at Women Taking a Stand, my mind began to spin in many directions, on both the posts I have written in the past on this subject, and the ones I still have in my heart that I have not put into words yet. It is just something that the Lord has been working on in me for a while now, and so is therefore a subject I have many thoughts on. I have a busy day and busy week ahead of me and I contemplated rather or not I really have the time to do this particular post or not. When I mentioned this to my husband this morning before he left wanting his opinion on rather or not I should post something he said, "Deb, you know you will never rest until you do. Pull out one of your old ones and re-post it." haha He knows me well. Well, I have decided to write somewhat of a combo. I am going to re-post a combination of some of my old ones that I wrote last April I believe, but I am going to add a little bit to it before and and after...

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven...Ecc. 33:1

This is one of those verses that for me is so packed full of profound truth, it is hard sometimes to really get my head around the simplicity of it at the same time. As I have moved through the various seasons in my life, I have found myself both looking ahead to what is still (God willing) to come, and the ones I have left far behind. But one thing ALWAYS remains the same.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

God moves on an eternal time table that is not always readily evident to His people. He works within seasons, and time frames for His own purposes.

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21)

It is right and good to plan. It is necessary for it gives direction and allows us to set priorities. However, yield some white space on your agenda and in your heart for the purpose of God to prevail. This may mean we may have to re-adjust from time to time. But that's OK...In whatever season in life we find ourselves in, we should move forward and plan, and yet yield to the will of God and His purposes, and we will do it all in the power of the Holy Spirit...

This following part is the one I wrote last April that I think fits well into what I am talking about with "seasons in our lives"...

I have been taking to going over to Greenbelt Park recently on the days that Nina comes, and getting out and sitting on the picnic tables there and working on my Bible Study. The day started out kind of foggy and cold, so I was concerned I wouldn't want to sit out there today, but it wasn't long and the sun burned it's way through and it was beautiful, about 72 degrees with a slight breeze blowing just enough to ruffle the leaves on the nearby trees. I sat there working for about an hour and half without another person in sight. I enjoyed the solitude which seemed strange somehow, as I was outside and in a public place. Just as I was finishing up, I noticed a mom and her young daughter making their way toward the play ground. The mom couldn't have been more than at the most 25, and the daughter was probably close to 3 or so. It was a toss up who seemed more excited to be heading towards the equipment. I watched as the young mom put her little one in a swing and began pushing her, and the little girl squealed with obvious delight...simple pleasure, free to anyone who chose to use the park. A few minutes later, a little old man so hobbled and bent it was a wonder he was maneuvering his frail body down the side walk at all, made his way to the bench sitting by the sand, and took up his post watching the small child on the swing. He laughed aloud at her undisguised enjoyment. I was struck with how life changes from one stage to another as quickly as the weather it seems. One minute your the young child in the swing completely dependent upon your mother for all your most basic needs, and the next you find yourself the young mother herself caring for her family...a couple of blinks later and your me sitting on a bench in the park wondering how I could have possibly reached this stage in my life so quickly, and finally the little old man hobbled and shuffling in what is surely his last little while here on this earth. Time races by and things inevitably change. My eyes wondered and I noticed the softball fields off in the distance. How many times did I come to this park, and sit in those stands and watch Melody play a game of softball?? Too many times to count that's for sure..How I enjoyed watching her play..I closed my eyes and could hear the girls chanting their little cheers, and the sound of the balls hitting their gloves as they warmed up for a game. I could even smell the nachos in the snack bar and feel the excitement I always felt as a game was about to start. Those days have come and gone, and today I miss them. I miss her...I miss being the young mom with a large family to go home and prepare a big dinner for. But I was struck with something else today that I don't usually think of when I am in a nostalgic mood. There is going to come a time in my life (hopefully) when I am the old man sitting on the bench and remember what it was like to be the Grandma with all the young grand kids and kids still in their early 20's and 30's. Still living in the house they all grew up in and wondering if we will ever afford to retire. Yes, life goes quickly I have found, but I am no longer in a hurry, and I intend to enjoy this stage in my life and savor it for all it's benefits and pleasures. Because no doubt the time will come when it will all change and other's will find themselves standing in my shoes, and I will be the little old lady hobbling along (I kind of hobble now haha) waiting for the Lord to call me home....

Yes, "seasons in our life" come and go and we all find ourselves on that roller coaster ride called life. Sometimes we are going up and the climb seems non-ending and overwhelming, other times we have reached the mountain tops and the view from the top is exhilarating and majestic, other times we find ourselves plummeting downward at a breath taking speed, our hearts and minds busy with just hanging on. But I find my comfort in knowing that Jesus is always there, always the same, never moving, my rock.


Psalm 62:7 In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God.

Please join Ashley over at Women at the well HERE for other thoughts and insights on this subject...

MOTHERHOOD.....

Millions of moms are getting ready to celebrate "their" day...I have to say that whoever thought this holiday up, was brilliant.....haha A whole day set aside where hopefully the mother calls all the shots and her children gather round to offer their love and appreciation to a woman who has given all she had to give....

Motherhood to me is a complicated vocation....It includes every emotion known to man...From pure bliss and joy to heartache and sorrow, and everything in between....I have been a mother now for a little over 36 years, which is WAY over half of my life, and my ENTIRE adulthood..lol To say I feel qualified to "blog" on this topic, would be putting it very mildly...In many ways, I feel it's has defined me as a person...It's just who I am....A Mom....and now...A Grandma...

When my children were little, time and sleep were things I never had enough of, and became a never ending quest of mine to achieve....I watch my two young daughter-in-laws now with their new babies and young families, and remember the days well. You go about your days simply somehow in motion taking care of the things that need to be done.....Middle of the night feedings, cranky teething infants, constant interruptions of simply EVERYTHING you do (including bathroom time), chasing little ones all over the house as they flew along getting into everything their little hands could touch, potty training, and on and on...There were days where I honestly thought, I'll never make it through...I'll never be just "Debbie" again, never sleep through a night uninterrupted, never be defined by anything other than..."mom"...But then one of their sweet faces would smile at me, or I'd watch them sleeping innocently in their beds, listen with pride as they began to talk and understand and my heart would swell with a love and a hope for them that cannot be described or understood by anyone who has not stood in those shoes...

As my kids became "school aged" I was sure I would again enjoy a freedom and possibly do some things that I had laid aside before, but, it didn't seem to happen...My days were now full of driving kids to various different schools, sporting events and practices, orthodontics appointments and birthday parties, and while at home CONSTANTLY washing clothes, cleaning bathrooms and cooking meals...Summer times were VERY ACTIVE at our house with supervising active kids as they swam, going to the beach, and breaking up fights they all had with each other, as brothers and sisters often do...These years, as I look back on them now, were full and active yes, but also enjoyable and rewarding. I cheered at so many different sporting events and games for every one of my kids, it was simply a part of life....I burst with pride as they enjoyed successes and achievements and dreamed of all that might become...I studied with them, drilling them all for tests and speech meets, and sat up with their dad while we worked feverishly to finish science fair projects on time, and sweated it out with them while we waited to see their scores and if they had "placed" in the competition....My kids certainly won their fair share of speech meets, and spelling bees and starred in many of the school plays and performances.....no one was prouder than I was....but these years seemed at the time to be never ending, and I was sure they would all live at home forever, and I would always be on a treadmill that never arrived anywhere.

But suddenly they were teen-agers, and driving cars, and getting jobs and having girlfriends and boyfriends, making plans for college or careers and at times making decisions and choices that made me wonder who had raised them...lol I spent sooo many of those years on my knees praying that God might protect them, and that they might reach adulthood in one piece and ready to live their own lives as responsible adults...I longed for the days when they were babies and little kids and I put them to bed at night and knew right where they were and that they were safe... but somehow these years seemed to fly by in a blur and suddenly they were getting married, and finishing school and beginning lives of their own...

All of my kids are married now, and are living happy, productive lives...Many days go by and I might not really even talk to ANY of them....They have children of their own and nothing gives me greater pleasure than "seeing" one of them in their kids...My house is often very quiet and the pool sits unused...I find lots of time on my hands now, and realized recently I FINALLY have the time to do something else with my life...problem is I find most of the time, I just miss how things were when they were all little and under foot, and long for the days when we were in the middle of it all...But then they all arrive with spouses and kids and the house again swells with noise and confusion and love...I enjoy these events and times more than I can explain, and look for excuses for having them here....I have dedicated a room in my house for my grand kids and have filled the closet with toys for them to enjoy while they are here. Shopping for new toys, and cute clothes for them is one of my favorite things to do...

I have been blessed more than I could ever express with four children I love beyond reason....My daughters-in-laws and son-in-law have become people I can't imagine living life without, and my grand children are my world. I thank God every day for all of them, and know now that I may never be defined by much more than being a Mom and a Grandma, but that's OK...they are roles I feel honored to have had.....

On Sun. I will post a blog dedicated to my mother and what it was like growing up as her daughter...How differently I view her now, as I have reached this stage in my life...How much like her I have become, and how much better I understand her....

To all the mom's in this family and reading this...I wish you a Happy Mother's Day...may God bless every one of us with love and patience and a appreciation for the role of MOTHERHOOD.....