LIFE IS SO HARD SOMETIMES!

I am thinking this is NOT the time to write a post as I am feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, somewhat cheated, and just generally sorry for myself right now.  I am sure a lot has to do with just being tired.  What a LONG day.  Bottom line....mom will have surgery.  Either tomorrow or the day after.  I think it is a good thing and I am all for it, as her alternative is MONTHS in a neck brace that screws into her head to keep it as immobile as possible.  Mom would quite simply flip out on such a thing.  And in addition to that, there is no guarantee it would even work, and she could end up on the surgery anyway.  It is not suppose to be a bad surgery, and she should do well.  They will go in from the front (who knew there was such a thing!) and that makes recovery and everything easier.  There is a chance however that he will have to go in from the back as well, but he will not know that until he gets in there to make the determination.  The good news is this will fix her neck for sure, and she will just have to wear a small neck brace for 6 weeks or so until she is completely recovered.  The bad news is they are not only speaking of going back to the medication she was on before we cut back on it, but adding another one as well.  This is not for certain yet, but they feel more aggression is necessary to keep the seizures at bay.  I get it, really I do, but the thought of what this might do to mom's ability to get around just saddens me.   But then you consider how bad it could have been and it makes me feel bad for even complaining.  The woman two beds down from mom is her age also, and also fell on Christmas Eve, only she is now a quadriplegic.   Why is life so hard sometimes?  How I ache for this family.  Mom was back to herself today mentally and how grateful I am for that.  She was absolutely miserable however.  Can't get comfortable no matter what, felt sick to her stomach ALL DAY, and is of course frightened and overwhelmed at even the thought of surgery.  She is in complete horror that she actually broke her neck, and honestly I can't blame her.  I drove home in bumper to bumper traffic to finish off my day.  Or so I thought.  As I came through the door Melody was calling to tell what she had found out at the pediatricians office.  While Sam's ears look perfect, he is still wheezing significantly he says.  He wants him to continue his breathing treatments for 5 more days and then come back in for another check.  Now blessedly Sam seems to be feeling fine.   No temperature, eats wonderfully, sleeps perfectly, and runs around playing happily.  So I am of course VERY grateful over that, and I have no doubt he will eventually be just fine.  But of course they are not coming... again.   They "might" come later in the week, but of course the holidays will be well over by then and I have no idea how hard it might be to get the whole family together once they do come.  And by then mom will be home, my sister will no longer have vacation, and mom will really have no where else to stay, and I don't really have room for them all.   In the scheme of things this is not the end of the world of course, but I am just so disappointed nonetheless.  I am not totally throwing in the towel.  Maybe something can be worked out.  It is not to say of course that Mike and Mel could not stay somewhere else, but I DON'T WANT THEM too.  They already have many others to see and visit, and the time is nipped as it is.  If they stay somewhere else in addition to that I really won't get much time at all....sigh.

So there you have it.  I know I sound like a big baby.  I know with prayer tonight I will get my heart back where it should be with this whole thing.  But right now, I am just frustrated, and yes I might just admit it, a little angry.  Not angry at anyone, just angry at how life sometimes is just hard.

I would so appreciate your prayers for mom tomorrow.  And I will get myself together, I promise.  Or I guess I believe Jesus will.  Think it's time to head to bed?  I do....  : )