Friday, April 19, 2013


This has been a HARD week, I am not going to lie.  Poor mom....Sometimes I wonder about all the specialists, and all the drugs, and all the constant struggles to "cure" our failing bodies.  As you remember, we saw the new neurologist last week and I left there soo hopeful that he had us on a new road that would bring not only seizure control, but practically no side effects as well.  His passion and conviction on this drug was HUGE, and I certainly jumped on board with enthusiasm.  After this week, I will be hard pressed to try anything new again, or at least for a while anyway.  Mom has basically practically checked out.  She either slept, or shuffled around in a DEEP and confused fog, unable to barely feed herself, carry on any sort of a conversation, or remember almost anything.  She was unable to do much of anything for herself, which of course not only made my week MUCH MUCH more difficult, but I was also in a constant state of alarm that she might fall again, or hurt herself in some way.  I never did get a hold of the neurologist.  Yes, you heard me right...I never did.  Thank God her new primary care doctor was right there helping however, so I have been able to talk to her a few times in addition to seeing her on Tues.  We have taken some meds away, adding others at other times, and she has remained pretty much a mess.  Soo today, we are eliminating the "new" drug altogether, and going back to the old one, and PRAYING there will be no break through seizures...sigh.  AND! She wants me to take her back to the neurologist as soon as I can get an appointment, and see what his next course of action might be.  Me?  I think I would rather just throw in the towel on specialists and neurologists in particular, and just move along as best we can.  But then I remember that last scary seizure she had and I know I will just have to gather strength again and "maybe" try something else.  I guess I can at least say I am NOT looking forward to it.  But I feel much better about mom being gone this week-end since she will NOT be on this new drug.  I did get her into the shower today, and she is moving along MUCH better than yesterday so I trust me I am grateful for small progress.  This whole season in my life has brought with it a MUCH bigger (if that was even possible) dependency on God, and a realization that without Him I truly can not do much at all.

I did get quite a bit of sewing done this week, and I am grateful for that.  I have finished all my blankets, (with the exception for the rag quilt for my son's coming baby), and have a REALLY good start on most of the burp cloths (ALL cut out, half sewn) but I haven't taken any pictures of them yet.  I will get to that sometime I imagine.  I have a lot to do yet to get mom ready for the week-end, so I will end this now.

I thought you might like to read this message that my son posted on Facebook this morning.  I was already looking forward to Sunday, but this gives me added excitement!  Hope you all have a wonderful, restful, joyful week-end!  Blessings to you all!  Debbie

Is it even possible for children to know just how loved and valued they are by their parents?  I'm sure my kids know that I love them, but to what extent?  Do they know I feel as if my heart is beating in their chest?  Do they know that their hurt is my hurt and their joy my joy?  D o they know that there simply isn't anything I would not do for them?  Now let me ask you a question.  Do you realize that the love a parent has for their child only scratches the surface of the love that God has for you?   Do you have any idea how loved and valued you are by Him?  That's what we are going to be talking about this Sunday at Revive, we would be blessed to have you join us.  In His love, Pastor James


  1. What a beautiful beautiful letter your son wrote. And I am new - so I don't know what your mother has - but God bless. Hugs, sandie

  2. Oh wow, sounds so very hard...I will keep you in my prayers.

  3. I love the words James wrote and they are absolutely so true.
    I am sorry you and your dear mom had such a hard week. I remember those times with both my sweet parents. When we are our parents caregivers we just have to remember how much love and care they gave us throughout our lives and then somehow it's not as difficult to return that to them.
    Big Hugs and Prayers for better weeks ahead!

  4. That last passage reminds me of the line of a poem where a father peeks in on his sleeping infant and sees her hand clutched and within it "she held my heart."

    Oh the frustrations of new doctors and new medications. Think you are very wise to hang tight with the primary care doc. She sounds like a great support. Why mess with what was working best? Saying a prayer...

  5. Debbie
    I can tell already that Sunday's sermon is going to be a good one!
    So sorry you've had such a lousey week. I hate it when the experts canseem to get it right.Especially at the cost of our loved ones.
    Relax and rest this weekend, my friend. You deserve it.

  6. i'm so sorry this has been such a hard time
    with your mom. you are a wonderful

  7. I am so sorry that this has been such a week. I do hope your Mom has some time to recover from that drug. I think I would be a total wreck.
    You are such a good soldier though.
    I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  8. I'm so, so sorry that this week was such a hard one ... praying that the doctors can figure out the correct medicines to keep her seizure-free AND alert! {{hug}}

  9. When I saw the title of this on my sideboard, I feared that it was related to your mom and the new drug, and I was right. I'm so very sorry and lift you (one daughter to another) for the strength you need. Only those who have never been totally dependent know how much strength it takes to use none of your own strength at all.

    Hope that made the sense I wanted it to.

    And I would so love to hear your James preach in person. His letter about the Father's love touched my heart. It's actually the *thing* that is the heart of my own personal salvation story.

  10. I have a question - I have a new follower today named Debbie - and when I press on Debbie to go see her - it does not take me to a blog. I always try to follow friends. I just wondered and hoped it was you. I would write, but I don't have your address. Would you let me know, Thank you. sandie

  11. Debbie,
    Im Sorry you and mom had such a rough rough week. Its Sat now and I do hope you're getting much needed rest. As to what your son wrote, hes absolutely correct. God loves us as if we are the only one in existence and the love He has for us is hardly even imaginable. Lean on Him, talk to Him in your mind all day. He knows your crosses and He will help you carry them. God bless you and keep you in His love always..

  12. Debbie ... I'm so sorry you've had a tough week. I hope you're taking time to take care of yourself. That's so important, you know.

    Praying for you.

  13. It is such a hard time as our loved ones age and their bodies give way. I know this is difficult for you to go through this with your mom. She is so fortunate to have a daughter who loves and cares about her well being.

    Beautiful ending to this post Debbie.

    Blessings and love,

  14. You have been very busy! The porch looks so inviting! I love the burb cloths and blankets you have been making! The girls will love them.
    I hope they get your Mom all squared around and on the right meds! What an awful thing to be going through!
    xo Kris


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!