Monday, July 1, 2013

AN EMOTIONAL WEEK-END...


Well another June has come and gone and July has come in with a blaze.  It was not only just downright hot this week-end, but we experienced some very uncharacteristic humidity as well.  Kind of had the feeling of a steam bath or sauna, haha.  I can tell you this for sure, it made me appreciate the fact that humidity is NOT our usual weather calamity.  Even as far inland as we are, those ocean breezes are felt and appreciated.

This is one of those times where I really wish I could write the way I'd really like to, in order to express everything that is floating around in my head in a way that would cause you all to understand just how I am feeling.  But guess I will just have to do the best I can.  Friday and Saturday were soo full and busy there wasn't much time for reflection in some ways, and yet in others it felt like that was all I was doing.  As we began, first with sorting through mom's sewing paraphernalia, my emotions fluttered from excited over all there was to look at, to sad over all she was in the middle of and yet didn't finish, to happy I can pick up some of her work and maybe complete it, to awestruck over all she had done that I had NEVER seen and had no idea she was capable of, to sad again as I saw how her work suffered as she aged and fought her various different physical limitations.  Mom had moved pretty much ALL of her sewing and crafty projects to my house when she had moved in last summer, thinking that she would eventually be able to pick it up and work on it again.  It never happened.  I am choosing NOT to dwell on the fact that while we definitely shared this interest, we never did actually do it together.  My sister Diane and I are the only two in the family who shared this interest with mom, so between the two of us we divided up all that was worth keeping and maybe using someday.  It took us pretty much the entire afternoon.  One of our most exciting finds was SEVERAL quilting squares that were put together by my great step grandmother years and years ago.  Some of the color combinations were (how to say this?) somewhat bizarre I guess is one way, haha, and I would love to know the story behind them.  But I am hoping that as I learn to do some quilting this year, I can take the squares I inherited and fashion a beautiful quilt out of them.  I have not taken any pictures of these squares yet, but I will eventually and show you.  They have all been put together by hand of course, and her needle work was skilled and perfectly even.  And then, since my hubby was in Arizona with my sons celebrating his dad's 84th birthday, Diane and I went out to dinner and to see a movie.  What a GOOD time we had.  With all of Diane's many responsibilities, not to mention how far away from me she lives now, we don't get this opportunity often anymore, and we both enjoyed our time together.  Then Sat. rolled around and my other two sisters arrived and brought with them all the rest of mom's things to sort through and figure out.  There was sooo much!  And the funny part is so much of this had been weeded through a year ago when my step dad passed and mom had to sell her house and move in with her daughters.  It is sooo amazing just how much a person accumulates on this earth, and yet just leaves behind when they gone.  Makes you wonder why we save what we do, and spend so much of our time collecting and acquiring.  But after HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS, we completed our job.  There was A LOT of things (especially clothes) that none of us daughters decided to keep, and a HUGE HUGE pile of things to get rid of began piling up.   But in talking with our next door neighbor we found out that she supports a local house that provides temporary shelter for abused women, and gladly accepted all we would bag and box up for her to deliver to them.  My husband began loading her car and trunk and filled it to over flowing.  She told us she would have plenty of help on the other end to unload it, and I was REALLY glad to hear it.  I know mom would be soo pleased to know that so many of her things will be put to good use, by many who are in real need.  I am sure I don't have to tell you how strange this all was.  Needless to say we all resorted to tears many times through the day, but also found ourselves laughing and remembering sweet moments in time as well.  So this morning her closet has been emptied, her dresser drawers and cupboard shelves are bare, and my heart is just downright heavy.  I am leaving the outside appearances of mom being here (her beautiful bedroom furniture, her dresser and nightstand decorations, pictures on the wall etc.) right where they were, so upon glancing in her room all seems the same. She kept it neat as a pin right to the very end.  Eventually I will probably make some changes, but for now I want everything right where she had them.  I also wanted to keep her purse for some reason.  I carried that thing around for her for the last year and dug through it daily it seemed looking for what she needed, and was on a constant mission to find where she had last sat it, as she liked to have it near her, and now for some reason I can't bear to get rid of it.  It is hanging on a hanger in the empty closet (which is kind of forlorn looking I guess), but it will remain there perhaps for many years.  I will admit it bothered me for a while when I thought of her things divided and gone, and yet quickly came back around to the fact that no matter where her "things" are, they are just "things".  She is in heaven with the Lord, waits there for all of us, and we will see and talk to her again.  And in the meantime I have a lifetime of memories to dwell on.  Friday and Saturday were such long, hot, emotional days that I was VERY tempted to sit home yesterday and not do much at all.  How grateful I am that I did not!  My son's message at church yesterday spoke to my spirit like few others have done.  It was just soo good.  The only way to describe it was he was definitely soo anointed by the Holy Spirit yesterday, it was truly a privilege to experience.  Several came forward to give their lives to the Lord, and the real purpose and meaning of our lives here on this earth became so apparent again, that it broke through my hurting heart and mind, and brought comfort and peace like only God can.  After church we sat in one of favorite restaurants with them and lingered in sweet conversations for over an hour or more even after we had finished eating.  It was a long, emotional, and yet uplifting week-end.  They were having a church baptism last night as well, but we decided to head home.  We still needed to go grocery shopping, and I was just soo tired.  However! my 8 year old grand daughter Capri (James's oldest child) apparently decided she too wanted to get baptized and my son was able to baptize her as well last night.  Had grandma known that, she would have stayed to witnessed it for sure, but I am rejoicing nonetheless this morning.  She is such a sweet girl, and her little mind is mature beyond her years.  I am going to share a few pictures with you (remember I have to put all of my favorites somewhere in my blog posts so that they will be recorded when I print up my books since I do not print pictures anymore) that I think you might enjoy.  I am hopefully going to finish up my quilt this week, and I've all my Monday chores to get to yet, so I will sign this off now.  Hope you all enjoy your week...and hopefully we will all find a cool place to be.  Blessings, Debbie
HUBBY, HIS DAD, JOE AND JAMES (JOHN ENDED UP HAVING TO WORK..TOO BAD!)

SOO GRATEFUL SOMEONE CAPTURED THIS MOMENT.  LOVE THE LOOK ON HER FACE AS SHE LOOKS AT HER DADDY


LOVE THIS PIC FOR SOME REASON.  THEIR DOG BAXTER FOLLOWS SAM AROUND.  NOTICE THE  JOHN DEER QUILT I MADE THERE ON THE BED.  FIT IT PERFECTLY I AM PLEASED TO SEE

CAME UP WITH THIS ON HIS OWN TO WATCH MICKEY MOUSE!  SOO SMART, HAHA

HE PEERS UNDER THE BATHROOM DOOR WHEN MEL IS IN THERE...THERE IS NO ESCAPE MOMMY, HAHA
LUKE JEFFREY IS ALREADY A MONTH OLD...SOO SWEET!  (SITTING ON THE QUILT GRANDMA MADE FOR HIM I NOTICED!)

LOVED THIS!

MELODY TOOK THIS UP THIS WEEK-END, HAHA




9 comments:

  1. I know how hard that is, going through the things there is nothing harder on earth.
    Do you know after my grand parents died, we left every single thing the way it was for over a year. We left her purse sitting where she kept it. My uncle finally said, he would do it. She had over 7000 dollars in it.
    She would just take her social security checks and cash them only taking enough money to get her hair done. Then put it in her purse in the envelope.
    We just left it sitting there and no one ever touched it.
    Even that chokes me up just writing it.
    I am glad you have your sisters to share this with.
    I love your photos today. I like that you are leaving your Mom's bedroom like it was, that is so sweet.

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  2. Debbie, I well remember the emotions of going through clothing etc of a loved one, after they passed. So heartbreaking and final, yet it has to get done. Your weekend was full with blessings as well. Love all your photos dear one.
    Praying for rest and peace for you.
    Hugs, Noreen

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  3. Reading your journey reminds me that I am nowhere near as far along as you are. My sister took one last look and said, "So long, it's all up to you." Ackkkk...so while I have done some of these things, I certainly haven't finished the task.

    Sweet photos all. Beautiful grands to be so proud of. Your daughter cracks me up! What a gal!

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  4. This brought it all back for me Debbie, including the purse, and like Kim said above, my mom's purse was full of money too. I think they grew up in another time, and the older she got, the more she held onto her dollars so she would always have enough, and could share with us. It is an emotional time, no getting around it. But you said to perfectly, it's just 'things', THEY are in heaven, not thinking about those 'things' at all. For us, they are so personal, as they belonged to our loved ones. These memories of going through it all will fade, and the real stuff will remain in your heart and mind. They have gifted us as our moms in ways that go so far beyond these things. We are blessed to be their daughters!

    Hugs nonetheless... I remember all of those feelings.

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  5. Luke Jeffrey. That's his name! I love it, and if you had told us before, I had forgotten.

    All of your grandchildren are beautiful in my OBJECTIVE opinion. The sight of your little Capri about to be baptized warmed my heart.

    As to the rest, I read it with a huge lump getting bigger and bigger in my throat. I am seeing my husband go through the same thing with his mother's things. Every time he comes home from her place, he brings something else. It's just little stuff right now, but I can tell that he earnestly wants me to USE it and welcome it into our home because it belonged to her. I literally grieved with you as you described her empty closet and drawers. I love that you kept that purse. It is a treasure very specific to you.

    My heart goes out to you, Debbie. I know how I will feel when I am in your shoes.

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  6. You have the sweetest family, Debbie, and I love reading about all of them and seeing the precious pictures.
    I remember being baptized as a girl, wonderful memories.
    And little Sam and Luke are so adorable. I know you wish you lived closer so you could see them daily.

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  7. I always love your photos Debbie, hope you continue to post them. I do the same thing because like you I print my blog each year and no longer print photos.
    Going through a loved ones possessions is hard. We had to do it when we moved my SIL. It was a move without notice, we had to empty an apartment in a weekend and take only what would fit into a rented SUV and station wagon. We were not grieving but it was still hard...so many memories. As we were purging we heard that their had been a family that was recently burned out of their home and would be able to use everything we had to leave...it made it a little easier knowing someone would be helped.
    Sounds like you have a wonderful family, praying God would continue to comfort you

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  8. HI Debbie, reading this reminded me of all of the emotions we had when my husbands parents passed and we were going through a lifetime of memories. To me it helped us to form closure,the things we kept hold precious memories but like you they are things, but the best is the memories that are tucked away in our hearts and minds, and they are forever there. and the best part of all is that one day there will be a glad reunion day!
    Loved the photos, the photo of daughter looking at James not only as father but minister is priceless.

    And that Sam is precious,he is going to be a great farmer, and tell Mel, he looks just like his Dad, and he is also going to be a great brother too. Mel looks great, she always gets her figure back so quickly.

    I read of all the high temps. you all are having with humidity, and really related especially with humidity, our summers are usually like this, but we have had some relief this year, though we have had devastating rain, the rains have ruined our second garden planting, but dh says we have time to plant more,, that is if the rain ever ceases.
    So nice to catch-up. I think of you often.
    HUgs,
    Sue

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I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!