Today I saw the oncologist. For some reason I had worked myself into quite a state before I went. I am not sure why. It might have been because my surgeon has asked me EVERY time I have seen him in the last 4 weeks (which has been several) "Now you are going to see your oncologist right?" Every time he asked I assured him I had an appointment, and yet he'd say it again the next time I would see him. It was beginning to make me think he thought something else should be done. It might have been because I received a call from the oncologist office last night and the guy on the phone told me to be sure and bring a list of all the medications I take and when and how much I take them. I wondered if it was because the doc had told him to make sure I did as they had decided to do some chemo. After all, I had turned out to have some invasive cancer. And for some reason neither my hubby nor I could remember what the size of the tumor they found was. I KNEW it was small, but HOW small? And if not, what difference did it make HOW much of anything I took? I didn't ask this guy why...I don't think I really wanted to know. Or maybe it is because after you have experienced something as large as breast cancer and double mastectomy's you realize news is not always what you are hoping or even expecting it to be. My emotions have been doing MUCH better, but I am still a little touchy. The stress and pressure of all that is going on with the move is also starting to get to me. I was just somewhat of a mess. My husband prayed with me, and it did help soo much, but I was just very close to the edge. I have also had a SMALL complication with the surgery in that one of the sides (the one without the cancer ~ go figure) has been having fluid buildup. I guess it is why you wear the drains for a couple of weeks. But after that you have to take them out or risk infection. One side has done wonderfully, but the other side has had TONS of fluid from the beginning. Anyway, I had to have it drained in his office on Tues. and I have to go back in two weeks and have it done again, and then again two weeks after that. And then if there is STILL fluid after that (which he assured me is a definite possibility) he will have to lacerate it and drain it all the way....SIGH....Now he did say this is VERY common and no big deal, and it didn't really hurt badly or anything like that. I just want to be DONE....I don't want to go to the surgeon’s office anymore. I want to put this all behind me and move on. He also told me I have been extra weak as I lost ALOT of blood. Also common. I continue to do much better, but not where I should be in my opinion for being almost at week 4. ANYWAY, the oncologist was full of good news. I was sooo relieved. She said that the size of cancer I had was the size of a dot on an “I” when signing my name. Pretty small I am thinking. Everything else they found was DCIS which is pre-cancer condition. The nodes were clear. So they would still rate my cancer at a stage 0, or maybe a VERY LOW stage 1 at worse. So this means NO CHEMO and NO RADIATION and NO FURTHER TREATMENT is needed. Praise God!! She said the chances of anything ever returning is less than 5% and will go down even more with time. I don't have to see her again until next Jan. How grateful I am. As I sat in that office and looked at all the various different patients in varying degrees of obvious chemo treatment my heart went out to them and my gratefulness for being spared from this grew. But as I continued to think about all of this, it struck me again that no matter rather or not I have escaped it seems for now, EVENTUALLY something else will get me. We will not live forever. We really are just passing through. Our real homes and destinations are in heaven if we belong to Him. We have to live our lives here faithfully serving Him and doing whatever we can to bring Him glory until the day He calls us home. How humble this makes me feel, and how grateful.
Believe it or not we are still not sure if the move will happen this week-end. Things are winding down at the new house, but after seeing where it is all at tonight my hopes are small it will happen. But I am still hoping nonetheless. It is turning out beautifully and I am very grateful and eventually it will all pull together and will happen I know. Much has happened that was unexpected and extremely stressful, but I will spare you all the details. I am doing my very best to keep it all in prospective. It has just been a VERY stressful month. But the Lord does remain faithful and without His love and presence I really do wonder where I might be at. We really can look to the trials and tribulations in our lives as things that can draw us closer to Him and bring about greater dependency on Him and work in our lives to bring about growth and our ultimate good.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
I have much else I am thankful for this. I am grateful I got to go and see Toy Story 3 with my son and his kids this afternoon. My adorable little Jeffie told his daddy, "We can't go without Grandma Daddy, she has been COUNTING on going too." How adorable is that? How I love him. I have missed him and all the rest of my grandkids soo much. They really do make everything else seem unimportant.
To read the other Thankful Thursday posts click HERE...