Well I decided to write a quick post and catch you all up on how it is going over here.
Nothing seems to be "normal" or "regular" or "settled" in just about any area of my life right now. Certainly not when I look in the mirror, and definitely not as I sit just about anywhere in my house, and the new house seems to be in the biggest disarray of them all. And yet, just as always, God holds the WHOLE earth in His hands, and knows ALL the details (large and small) of my life, and I WILL trust He will work it all out in His time. I will just keep doing what needs to be done. I read this verse today in my devotional time, and as always it brought me such peace and comfort and hope.
Isa 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
I am really starting to feel ALOT more like myself. The weakness is definitely improving. I FINALLY got the second drain out last Thursday and was able to take a shower on Friday for the first time in two weeks. How wonderous it felt. I will NEVER take the luxury of standing under warm water, soaking it into my skin and muscles EVER again. My hubby had actually washed my hair 3 times (Melly did it once) and he was actually pretty good at it too, haha. It's funny how you find ways to adapt to whatever situation you find yourself in. I found a sponge bath really works quite well, even if it isn't exactly relaxing and what you feel like. I am to get the rest of the staples out tomorrow, and I am sure I will be released by him to drive and to begin to move about my life. I also had the entire pathology report last Tues., and as it turns out there was a (microscopic, as the surgeon called it) tiny piece of invasive cancer that had started in one little area. It was soo small it did not show up on the mammogram, or in the 3 ultrasounds I had done. He feels that nothing else needs to be done as I did have a double mastectomy and there was no sign of cancer in my lymph nodes. However, the oncologist will have the final say, and I am to see her next week. Soo, I guess we will see. She did pretty much already tell me that even if a small amount of invasive cancer was found but it was NOT in the lymph nodes, that she would not be doing anything else. But of course I will wait for her FINAL word before I can say for ABSOLUTE sure I am done. I will say this.....but I will say it only once....I of course REALLY wish that there had been NO invasive cancer whatsoever no matter how microscopic it was. But it was not the case. I will also say it was probably my fault. I had put off having a mammogram done for 3 and half years which when I had the family history of breast cancer I did was positively crazy. Maybe it would have been caught much sooner and before any invasive cancer had begun. Looking back I am not totally sure why I didn't. I guess I just didn't want to deal with what I ended up dealing with anyway. It was crazy on my part and knowing what I know now about early detection (though goodness knows I had certainly heard those words before) makes it even crazier. All of this to say.....DON'T WAIT....Get your mammograms done faithfully and regularly ladies. Finding out early makes all the difference in the world. OK, I am not going to dwell anymore on how crazy I was, or how I wish things were different. But I am going to NEVER forget how grateful I am that it all went as it did, and that God has been soo faithful to me. I am having a little harder time than I thought I would adjusting to how I look. Again, I am not sure what I was expecting. I think it was more I didn't really have time to think about it much. I have NEVER had much in the breast department anyway, so I didn't expect it I guess to be as changing as it was. But I am working in and my "fake" ones actually look much better than I ever really did anyway, haha. I know I can get reconstructive surgery done, but I probably will not. I don't have to make that decision now though and couldn't do it for at least 6 months anyway. So I will pray about it and see where the Lord leads me.
Now, as far as the new house goes.....it is moving VERY SLOWLY.....SIGH.....We have ended up doing soo much work. You know how that goes. You fix or change one thing and 3 others then look terrible. We ended up changing all the walls to dry wall and texture (they were paneled) and literally changing some wall structure in the process. We also took beams out of the ceilings and textured them as well. We are tiling a LARGE portion of the house (everything besides the two bedrooms and the formal dining room/living room area) and they will be newly carpeted. We are putting in all new appliances which meant some of the kitchen cupboards had to be changed to accommodate them. We put in new lighting in the kitchen and in the family room. And of course the whole thing had to be totally painted and baseboards had to be added. It is I guess a TOTAL remodel. Oh, and I forgot, the fireplace will also be re-done as well. My brother is doing all of this for us or it would have been WAY too costly, but even then it is adding up at an alarming speed. And on Sat. as he was preparing the floor for the tile, he discovered an area that had been watered damaged in the past and now needs to be completely torn up and re-done as it was NOT repaired right in the first place. MORE MONEY AND MORE TIME....SIGH....We were supposed to be moving this week-end so of course my house is all packed up with boxes and things TOTALLY disarrayed. Maybe a miracle will happen and it will all happen, but I am not counting on it. We are supposed to be out of this house in mid July so we are on a time schedule as well. My hubby and I went over all day on Sat. and Sun afternoon to help out as best we could. Of course all I did was sit in a chair and offer suggestions and helpful (haha) tips from my perch. I can't believe with all that needs to be done I am virtually useless as well. I can't really use my arms or lift anything for 6 to 8 weeks. My sisters are doing all they can do to help me or we wouldn't be packed either. I know that it will all eventually get done and we will move and it will be BEAUTIFUL....I love the way the walls look and the paint we chose is perfect. I can "see" it all in my mind. But in the meantime I am not going to lie. This has all been REALLY hard. If you know me at all you would know that everything being this out of control is just not me. But I have learned if nothing else, at the end of the day I am NOT in control of anything at all. The Lord holds it all in His VERY CAPABLE hands....He cares for me. He holds my very breath in His will. Sooo, we will see. Maybe I will move this week-end. Maybe it won't be for another couple of weeks or so. Maybe I am finished with all I have to do to beat breast cancer, and maybe I am not. But as always one thing remains the same. The Lord is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. Praise God. Hope you all had a wonderful Father’s day. I spent some time with my grandkids at Joe’s house. How I missed them! Soo sweet. They were soo happy to see me; just kind of hung around my chair interrupting each other to talk. It did my heart soo good. The dinner my daughter in law made was yummy and we went home with a smile on our face. I do appreciate so all of your prayers and support. I will get around to visiting you all this week for sure. It no longer hurts my chest to type, YAY ~ thus this long post ~ sorry, haha I love you all, Debbie