Monday, June 21, 2010

THEY SHALL RUN AND NOT BE WEARY...

Well I decided to write a quick post and catch you all up on how it is going over here.


Nothing seems to be "normal" or "regular" or "settled" in just about any area of my life right now. Certainly not when I look in the mirror, and definitely not as I sit just about anywhere in my house, and the new house seems to be in the biggest disarray of them all. And yet, just as always, God holds the WHOLE earth in His hands, and knows ALL the details (large and small) of my life, and I WILL trust He will work it all out in His time. I will just keep doing what needs to be done. I read this verse today in my devotional time, and as always it brought me such peace and comfort and hope.

Isa 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

I am really starting to feel ALOT more like myself. The weakness is definitely improving. I FINALLY got the second drain out last Thursday and was able to take a shower on Friday for the first time in two weeks. How wonderous it felt. I will NEVER take the luxury of standing under warm water, soaking it into my skin and muscles EVER again. My hubby had actually washed my hair 3 times (Melly did it once) and he was actually pretty good at it too, haha. It's funny how you find ways to adapt to whatever situation you find yourself in. I found a sponge bath really works quite well, even if it isn't exactly relaxing and what you feel like. I am to get the rest of the staples out tomorrow, and I am sure I will be released by him to drive and to begin to move about my life. I also had the entire pathology report last Tues., and as it turns out there was a (microscopic, as the surgeon called it) tiny piece of invasive cancer that had started in one little area. It was soo small it did not show up on the mammogram, or in the 3 ultrasounds I had done. He feels that nothing else needs to be done as I did have a double mastectomy and there was no sign of cancer in my lymph nodes. However, the oncologist will have the final say, and I am to see her next week. Soo, I guess we will see. She did pretty much already tell me that even if a small amount of invasive cancer was found but it was NOT in the lymph nodes, that she would not be doing anything else. But of course I will wait for her FINAL word before I can say for ABSOLUTE sure I am done. I will say this.....but I will say it only once....I of course REALLY wish that there had been NO invasive cancer whatsoever no matter how microscopic it was. But it was not the case. I will also say it was probably my fault. I had put off having a mammogram done for 3 and half years which when I had the family history of breast cancer I did was positively crazy. Maybe it would have been caught much sooner and before any invasive cancer had begun. Looking back I am not totally sure why I didn't. I guess I just didn't want to deal with what I ended up dealing with anyway. It was crazy on my part and knowing what I know now about early detection (though goodness knows I had certainly heard those words before) makes it even crazier. All of this to say.....DON'T WAIT....Get your mammograms done faithfully and regularly ladies. Finding out early makes all the difference in the world. OK, I am not going to dwell anymore on how crazy I was, or how I wish things were different. But I am going to NEVER forget how grateful I am that it all went as it did, and that God has been soo faithful to me. I am having a little harder time than I thought I would adjusting to how I look. Again, I am not sure what I was expecting. I think it was more I didn't really have time to think about it much. I have NEVER had much in the breast department anyway, so I didn't expect it I guess to be as changing as it was. But I am working in and my "fake" ones actually look much better than I ever really did anyway, haha. I know I can get reconstructive surgery done, but I probably will not. I don't have to make that decision now though and couldn't do it for at least 6 months anyway. So I will pray about it and see where the Lord leads me.

Now, as far as the new house goes.....it is moving VERY SLOWLY.....SIGH.....We have ended up doing soo much work. You know how that goes. You fix or change one thing and 3 others then look terrible. We ended up changing all the walls to dry wall and texture (they were paneled) and literally changing some wall structure in the process. We also took beams out of the ceilings and textured them as well. We are tiling a LARGE portion of the house (everything besides the two bedrooms and the formal dining room/living room area) and they will be newly carpeted. We are putting in all new appliances which meant some of the kitchen cupboards had to be changed to accommodate them. We put in new lighting in the kitchen and in the family room. And of course the whole thing had to be totally painted and baseboards had to be added. It is I guess a TOTAL remodel. Oh, and I forgot, the fireplace will also be re-done as well. My brother is doing all of this for us or it would have been WAY too costly, but even then it is adding up at an alarming speed. And on Sat. as he was preparing the floor for the tile, he discovered an area that had been watered damaged in the past and now needs to be completely torn up and re-done as it was NOT repaired right in the first place. MORE MONEY AND MORE TIME....SIGH....We were supposed to be moving this week-end so of course my house is all packed up with boxes and things TOTALLY disarrayed. Maybe a miracle will happen and it will all happen, but I am not counting on it. We are supposed to be out of this house in mid July so we are on a time schedule as well. My hubby and I went over all day on Sat. and Sun afternoon to help out as best we could. Of course all I did was sit in a chair and offer suggestions and helpful (haha) tips from my perch. I can't believe with all that needs to be done I am virtually useless as well. I can't really use my arms or lift anything for 6 to 8 weeks. My sisters are doing all they can do to help me or we wouldn't be packed either. I know that it will all eventually get done and we will move and it will be BEAUTIFUL....I love the way the walls look and the paint we chose is perfect. I can "see" it all in my mind. But in the meantime I am not going to lie. This has all been REALLY hard. If you know me at all you would know that everything being this out of control is just not me. But I have learned if nothing else, at the end of the day I am NOT in control of anything at all. The Lord holds it all in His VERY CAPABLE hands....He cares for me. He holds my very breath in His will. Sooo, we will see. Maybe I will move this week-end. Maybe it won't be for another couple of weeks or so. Maybe I am finished with all I have to do to beat breast cancer, and maybe I am not. But as always one thing remains the same. The Lord is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow. Praise God. Hope you all had a wonderful Father’s day. I spent some time with my grandkids at Joe’s house. How I missed them! Soo sweet. They were soo happy to see me; just kind of hung around my chair interrupting each other to talk. It did my heart soo good. The dinner my daughter in law made was yummy and we went home with a smile on our face. I do appreciate so all of your prayers and support. I will get around to visiting you all this week for sure. It no longer hurts my chest to type, YAY ~ thus this long post ~ sorry, haha I love you all, Debbie

18 comments:

  1. Wow! You have your hands full! I'm glad you have help with all you have to do. Glad you're feeling a bit better and yes, I will go and have my mammogram this year. I've been praying for you!!

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  2. Oh Debbie, the candor with which you have shared your journey with your friends and faithful readers, has been so very touching. Most of us have no idea, and perhaps never will, just what range of emotions you have fought. And some of your readers know all too well what you speak about, even though each has their own path. At any rate, you and your amazing grace with which you have faced this has truly been inspirational to me. And I know that you have also lit a gentle fire under many to get in nag get their mammograms. Much love to you.

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  3. that last line should have read get in and get.....not get in nag get.... Sorry, but I am learning to type on my new iPad.

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  4. Hi Deb,
    Gal, I just love your heart so much! I know there is someone out there that really needs to hear that even though this is not easy, with God you are making it through...moment by moment...one day at a time, and to hear of His unchanging faithfulness in the face of difficult trials that we all face at some time in our lives.

    I praise God for you and how He is glorifying Himself through you...and for His protection and the healing He is performing in your body, mind and spirit right now!

    Be sure to rest...don't stress...not good for healing...get some sunshine each day, and rest in the boundless peace of God.

    Love you bunches!
    Becky

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  5. My Mom took the words right out of my mouth! You may have saved multiple lives by convincing a few women to get in and get that mammogram taken care of!! I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this yourself. The emotions you have shared have been so touching.

    I'm so glad you got to enjoy a nice hot real shower! That's good news. Keep your chin up Debbie. Hang in there. Much love to you.

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  7. Dearest Debbie, It was so good to read this post and see how you are-you are being upheld by so many and we do want to know your day to day progress. I know it will be quite an adjustment to get used to the changes in your body after such a major ordeal but praise God there was no cancer in your lymph nodes. I'm praying for a speedy healing and strength to rest and wisdom to know when to do more.
    Hugs to you today dear friend.
    Noreen

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  8. You are on my heart everyday and I continuously lift you before the Father, who can love you like no one else. I am so glad I started following your blog before this started and I am able to continue to see God's hand on you as you walk through this journey.

    I wish I could just give you a hug.

    Blessings, know that you are loved and thought of often. Thanks for being real, but also for sharing your relationship with the Lord with me through your journey,
    Janette

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  9. God bless your heart dear friend, and I am so happy you are feeling better, you know Isa 40:31 is my lifes verse, the lord give me this when I was first saved, for years I did get the full meaning of it, and often wondered why God give me this particular verse, well after a few things happening in the ministry and in life I quickly learned what he was preparing me for, Wait, I think that is one of the hardest things humans have to do, is to wait on the lord, we always want to rush in and help him.
    Giggles, I have learned to wait, and I never get in a hurry over anything any more, we do renew our strength in waiting and praying and keeping in close contact with our precious father.
    Hugs and Blessings, Barbara

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  10. What a great post - I love that you are willing to so openly share your heart...and all that God is teaching you through these days in your life! Life is good and our God is amazing - this life of walking with Him truly is more than we can imagine...but, honestly, some days are just hard and some things (and timing) we don't understand....but God is still good. I love your attitude.


    Ok - and I am feeling perfectly healthy and am overwhelmed by all the work going on at your new house. It is going to be wonderful but WOW...what a project you have taken on:) So can't wait to see it!

    Thanks again for sharing - and keeping us updated. Sending you a hug today:)

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  11. So glad to hear you are beginning to get your strength back! Wonderful advice about the mammograms. Love your attitude ab out all that you're going through -- admitting things have been really hard, but leaning on God and trusting Him. I think sometimes as Christians we think we need to portray things as easy for us all the time, but that's not real and then when someone else goes through hard times they feel very alone. Your honesty and faith are refreshing!

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  12. Debbie, even though I haven't been on line, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray for your doctors total release, and for continued strength for this journey to be given to you.
    And what a journey this has been for you with everything happening at once, and what a testimony you have of the faithfulness of God. I am a firm believer as you probably are too that when things happen God has a plan for His Glory to be magnified in our lives and that is what I am hearing and seeing from your words. Your faith has encouraged us all, always sharing the right scripture for the moment. You not only bless me but inspire me as well.
    Enjoy this new home God is giving you and I know it will be beautiful when finished and am looking forward to you sharing. Believe me I know about remodeling. LOL.
    Oh! i almost forgot, I had to smile about your dh washing your hair, as mine has had to do it a few times for me as well, so now enjoy those showers as never before. lol
    Hugs, and many more blessings.
    Sue

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  13. I've been lagging visiting bloggy friends sister Debbie but I want to come by to let you know that you are always in my prayers. I'm glad that the staples will come out soon. Praying for your continued recovery and healing and being cancer-free!

    Sorry to hear that there are lots of things to be done. I hope you're able to move in sooner! May the Lord provide for all of your needs. Take care sister Debbie and God bless you and protect you.

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  14. Love the blog background!! I just set out my few patriotic items today. Certainly have scaled back since the nest has emptied...but I still enjoy what I have. And setting them out makes me feel so - well, proud! Proud to be an American!! Its also fun to "decorate" the blog page:)

    Hope your Wednesday is going great!

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  15. praying praying praying for your onc. appt. I know how frustrating it is to try to get a "final" say so for your plan and it all keeps changing!! God has a plan so I pray you can rest in that, sweet friend.

    And one more thing... This is NOT your fault. You waited for that mammo but lots of people do. You did what you could and the fact that you went at all is commendable! Fear can hold us captive in the worst ways and guilt can keep us there so don't blame yourself at all... Our God is big and good and sovereign.

    Big hugs today... a good friend told me "it's just a house." Remember that today... or at least try. I am. =)

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  16. I love all the pics of your precious family and the Americana theme! Delighted to meet you. I hope you don't mind if I splash around a bit. This looks likes a great place to slip off my shoes and dip my toes.

    Splashing,
    Sara

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  17. I praise God for you and how He is glorifying Himself through you.
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I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!