Wednesday, April 24, 2013


I am "feeling" a little down this morning, but at the same time "feel" God's peace and presence.  Which of course I realize is contradictory.  How can I be down, and yet "feel" literally God's love for me?  Let me try and explain.

This season in my life of caring for my mom has just been so much more difficult than I ever thought it might be when I began it.  Poor mom.  She has been through soo much since the death of her husband last June, it is really hard to imagine how she just keeps going.  I have experienced every emotion (or so it seems) possible while going through it with her.  At times the joy of having her around and sharing my thoughts and day with her have just been priceless.  We have laughed and enjoyed ourselves immensely.   Other times I have felt myself feeling resentful at the limitations of my time and energies that caring for her has required.  I have argued with my sisters over disagreements on how things should be handled, and felt our relationships at times suffer.  I have grown weary of MUCH.  From doc visits and hospitals, x-rays and tests, pharmacies, and constant uncertainties, or just the need to repeat almost everything I say because she either can't hear me or doesn't remember. Trying to set some boundaries on which conversations with my kids and sisters and friends that she can be a part of (she wants to be on them all! haha) without upsetting her.   I have found that patience and tolerance are needed in LARGE doses every day, and anyone who knows me well knows this is NOT me.  I have struggled to find time for just me and my husband to spend together, and to get some quality grandkid  time in as well.  Have I mentioned it is hard?  lol.  And yet, HONESTLY, I have felt God's presence, His strength, His love through it all.  I don't want to feel like I am always reporting all these negative things going on, and the struggles we go through, AND YET, that IS the season of life I am in right now.  Most of all my regular readers know how difficult last week was the trial of the new medication.  She was finally doing a little better from that and I was looking forward to somewhat of an uneventful week.  Well! She fell again on Monday afternoon at my sister's house and had to be taken by ambulance to an emergency room!  She had a sizable lump on her head where she hit it on the coffee table, and they discovered a bladder infection as well.  But we were grateful nothing seemed to be broken, and they brought her back over here by dinner time.  Then! (yes, there's more!) she woke up yesterday morning soo stiff and sore she could barely walk, and I mean barely, AND! I had a dentist appointment that I absolutely HAD to keep.  My youngest sister was suppose to come over and keep mom so I could go, and she called and was sick and wasn't able to come.  Hubby had too many appointments to help out and so there seemed to be nothing left to do but to bring her along.  I loaded the wheel chair into the car as I knew she'd never be able to walk.  I knew I'd be in the chair at least an hour, but felt she'd do pretty good if she was in her chair and I knew the sweet front office women would keep an eye on her.  It started off well as mom slept the whole way there and I got the chair in and out easier than I thought I might.  But then things started to go south.  My tooth was in MUCH worse shape than he originally thought, and by the time he was finished my whole mouth was throbbing.  I use as little medication as I can get away with as I HATE HATE HATE to be numb.  Looking back I must have been out of my mind. I should have gladly shot in as much as he was willing to give me, and spent the rest of the day TOTALLY numb, haha.  Anyway, it took an hour and twenty minutes and the gal in front told me mom had slept much of the time I was in there, and looked through a magazine the rest of the time.  HOWEVER! the minute I spoke to her through my swollen aching mouth I realized something was very wrong.  She was talking gibberish and saying things that made no sense.  I whisked her to the car, got her in, and drove home wondering if at any minute she'd flip into a full on seizure, and stressing over what in the world was wrong.  I remembered to pray a good 10 minutes or so into the drive and wondered where my head was at as I felt God's peace pretty much right away.  However, the day was FAR from over.  I got her home, she seemed a little better so I fed her lunch (which she didn't eat! ~ again, sooo not mom!) and got her to lay down (finally!) for a nap and called her doc.  She told me if she was still acting strangely when she woke up to take her to the ER.  Sure enough an hour and half later and we were headed to the ER where they re-tested her, ran cat scans etc., and decided she had a small seizure again, and once again increased the medication a little bit.  I have to take her back to the neurologist who prescribed the NIGHTMARE we were on last week as soon as possible as well.  I could just cry.  I can't bear to mess again with her meds, and yet clearly the one she is on is not cutting it.  It's soo hard to know what to do or who to trust when it comes to doctors and medications.  The good news was they suspected she had broken her hip! but she hadn't praise God!  We didn't get home from the hospital until 9 last night though, and by the time I fed her and got her into her pajamas and into bed it was 10:30!  OH!  and I guess I should mention the entire time my mouth throbbed and hurt to the point I could barely think of much else.  It is much better this morning (though not gone!) and he did say I am not totally out of the woods of maybe needing a root canal.  Mom is chatting on the phone right now with my sister, but can still barely walk or move around. This will be a definitely lay low day hopefully.  I intend to sew, and mom will hopefully just do nothing but rest.

And here is my the midst of this HORRID day, my heart felt peaceful and unstressed (except for that first 10 minutes of my drive home) and though I dread some of the things that lay ahead, and I am tired and weary of much of this, I KNOW deep in my soul that my God will see me through.  He will give me the strength (and does) for what must be done.  So while I AM weary, I am not alone.

I do have to show you the cute little bibs I made up on Monday.  I went to Hobby Lobby and looked at fabric there and found some of the cutest I have seen yet.  I couldn't resist.  I have several more I am going to make.





The point of this post was NOT to get sympathy (or worse yet pity) for my season of time with my mom, but rather to point out how God CAN and WILL be all He promises to be.  We can count on Him when all else fails.  He cares for us in ways that truly are beyond our understanding.   May the rest of your week be blessed!  Debbie


  1. I think of this and that picture that Janette posted of that lady just reminds me of you.You have such a full plate and it is so full of so many, many hard things but in spite of it all you are trusting in the Lord for strength. I will keep praying. Gosh Debbie I hope I can always have the kind of attitude you have. You do such a great job.

  2. My prayers are with you Debbie! My mother-in-law is declining in similar ways and I know it is a lot of pressure on my husband even though she is in assisted living.

    It's a wonderful testament to experience God's peace during such a trying time.

  3. I'll say it once again, you deserve a diamond crown for your caregiving. It is one thing to provide care overseeing but quite another when you never can get away from it. I think that over seeing my Dad's care can be overwhelming at times (and it can) but if he lived with me, it would be never ending. Blessings to you Debbie, you are on a tough journey for sure.

    I'm so glad that you have things like your sewing that likely serves as very good therapy for you.

    Happy rest of the week and I do hope your Mom can remain stable.

  4. It is so hard not to give you sympathy when I know something of what you are going through, but I do know that The Lord will see you through and that He's always available to lean upon. Saying a little prayer that your tooth will be fine without any further intervention and that your mother will respond well to any medication she is put on.

    Those bibs are cute as cute can be!

  5. I think of you often, Debbie, and ask the Lord's richest blessings of strength and peace for you in all you have to do. It's wonderful to hear your testimony of His peace.

  6. Debbie,
    The bibs came out just adorable.. I have to ask you, do you have ANY help at all? I ask because honestly? If you keep up this pace much longer you'll land yourself in the hospital with exhaustion..

    Does your Mom have any kind of insurance or any state programs that will pay for an aid to come in a few times a week and help with her? Debbie? You need help..I hope you don't get upset at me for posting this but honestly, I've been there and it's TOUGH and as I said, this pace your hanging onto by a thread? eventually that thread is going to break.. Please if you haven't look into somewhere that you can get some physical help with your mom..

  7. A+ on the adorable bibs!!

    Life with parents as they age and are sick is a real balancing act, isn't it? I am so glad that she has you and your family. God is giving you grace in the midst of it Debbie, and my prayers for you are a promise. I've been there, it's hard! ... God knows, and he is with us in it even when the rubber in our band is stretched to the limit!

  8. I hold you very close in my heart daily...and I get strength from your journey as I see God's faithfulness to you, I know He is faithful to me as well. I understand this because my Dad is going through this also...he just arrived home after a month in rehab.
    Thanks for being real and for allowing us to lift you up in prayer as God continues to hold you up through this journey.

  9. The fact that you were calm and peaceful through the whole horrible ordeal is nothing short of supernatural. What an incredible testimony to God.

    I'm truly (and I mean very truly) sorry to read that taking her off that medicine with the side effects isn't going to work. I remember how badly you disliked it. I was hoping to read that she was doing well off of it. I would write "hugs" but that seems so trite. Really, though, if I were there, that is exactly what I would do

  10. Oh, sweetie, I know you weren't seeking sympathy, but my heart just breaks for you. I'm still praying that you will find a medicine for your mom that will eliminate the seizures without putting her completely into LaLa Land. {{{hug}}}

  11. I love seeing examples of God carrying His children through the deep waters and frustrating moments of daily life. You shared it all in such a sweet way. I pray right now for you, and for lots of extra strength. I am sure your mother knows down in her heart, how blessed she is to have you.

  12. Debbie
    This is such a difficult season for you but you give hope to all of us who read that no matter what situation we find ourselves in that there is peace and strength to be had in our loving Father. You are such and encouragement, I appreciate your honesty and will continue to pray for you


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!