I have had a busy last couple of days, so I thought I might catch the blog up a little bit. Truthfully, while my actions have been pretty focused (sew, sew, sew!) my head is kind of all over the place. It makes me glad that I have something to focus on right now as it does seem to be fairly therapeutic for me. Bottom line...while I have managed to go for hours and hours and sometimes entire days without dwelling on or even thinking much about it, my heart is still heavy and sad and missing my mom. I realize of course that this is pretty normal, and it has only been 3 months, but there are still those moments that it hits me, and I realize how long it has been since I talked to her. Several of you who have already lost your mothers have told me that no matter how much time goes by, you never do really stop missing them. I am very sure this is true, and honestly I am not thinking that it is going to happen. What is funny to me, is how much it has altered the way I think about MANY things. How we need to cherish our times with our family and loved ones, and not fret about those things that just don't matter. One of my daughter's friends from high school lost her mother today. The friend is of course only Melody's age (27) and the woman who passed away was only 52. How sad it makes me for Melody's friend. She has just begun her family too, and there is so much now that her mother just won't be a part of. Her children will never know their grandmother. (this side of heaven anyway!) Which makes my heart always come back around to remembering... we are all just passing through. This life here on earth is truly just a vapor in the comparison to all eternity. What IS important is our relationships with Jesus, and KNOWING where we will spend our eternities because of Him. I want to spend my time here on this earth making my life matter for Him, and for all of those who I will eventually leave behind as well.
I spent pretty much all day yesterday with my 16 year old grand daughter Annabel. How I enjoy this age!
She and I talked non-stop. It reminded me so much of those times when Melody was that age, and made me glad that I can now spend this time with her. We went to Newport Beach to Jessie's shop and had her hair done. I intended to take a picture of it when she was finished, but I forgot all about it. I will tell you though it was just darling. It was quite a bit of driving for this grandma, but honestly I just didn't care one little bit.
Today was spent at the sewing machine. I know this is ridiculous, but this whole quilting thing has become somewhat obsessive for me. I look up quilting blogs and tutorials, and then copy what I can, (I have yet to even try an actual quilting pattern) to continue to make my Christmas runners. I think I mentioned that I need 12 of them for gifts. It just seemed like the perfect thing to practice my skills on, (my recipients might not think so I guess, lol) and yet accomplished something as well. HOWEVER, I do find myself trying to be patient. (have I mentioned it is NOT my strongest quality?!) because all I ever really do is look at these STUNNINGLY beautiful, complicated looking creations, and think to myself...."I am soo behind...why in the world did I wait until I was 58 years old to BEGIN quilting?!" I want to make a HUGE, gorgeous quilt. Instead, I am struggling to learn the basics, and am easily frustrated when it doesn't just pop together like I imagine it should...The one I made today (actually I began BOTH of these new runners on Monday) had me literally laughing at myself, because no matter how I turned the pieces I couldn't make it work. And then suddenly, it did! haha. And yet, AFTER I have worked on it and put it together I have thought to myself, "I SHOULD have used this color, or SHOULD have done this differently" and yet it just didn't occur to me until I had it together. ALL things that time and experience will teach me I am sure, but did I mention I want to know it now...sigh. Oh, and meanwhile I am also thinking, "Well, Deb, you have got all these quilt TOPS put together, but they still have to be backed and then quilted." And I have looked at enough quilting things now to know, that in many ways, the quilting MAKES OR BREAKS the quilt. (in my opinion anyway) What if I can't even do it? What if I HATE doing it? Maybe I should have made one complete one, before making all these tops? Maybe they will become unfinished projects (one of my most dreaded things) and therefore just a waste of my time and money. See what I mean, my head is just ALL over the place. Let me show you my latest work, and then I guess it is probably time to put this all away for the day and think about making dinner for my hubby.
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| THIS "LOOKED" AMAZINGLY EASY, AND ONCE I FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET TWO POINTS ON ONE SQUARE, IT REALLY KIND OF WAS, HAHA |
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| HERE ARE THE THREE SQUARES TOGETHER FOR THE RUNNER I THINK I AM GOING TO PUT THIN WHITE BORDERS AROUND IT, AND THEN EVENTUALLY BIND IT IN RED, BUT HONESTLY, THAT COULD CHANGE TOMORROW, HAHA I DO LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS JUST LIKE THIS TOO I GUESS |
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| NOW THIS LITTLE SQUARE WAS MUCH MUCH MORE DIFFICULT FOR THIS ANGLELY CHALLENGED GRANDMA. MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO DO THESE WITHOUT PATTERNS OR DIRECTIONS, BUT HONESTLY I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW CAREFUL I HAD TO BE TO KEEP FROM MAKING THE POINTS GO THE WRONG WAY OR HAVE THE WRONG COLOR ETC. I WAS THRILLED WHEN THIS ONE FINALLY CAME TOGETHER, LOL |
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| AND NOW I HAVE COMPLETED 3 OF THEM. AND HEREIN LIES MY LATEST DILEMMA. NOTICE HOW THE CENTER ONE IS THE ONLY ONE DONE IN TWO COLORS? THAT WAS NOT MY ORIGINAL INTENT. I WANTED TO DO ALL OF THEM THAT WAY! HOWEVER, WHILE I HAD ENOUGH REDS AND GREENS, I DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH OF EACH KIND TO DO IT THIS WAY. NOW I DON'T KNOW HOW IN THE WORLD I WILL PUT THESE TOGETHER IN A RUNNER, I HAVE NO IDEA. I GUESS I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT TOMORROW. ANY SUGGESTIONS? I GUESS I COULD PUT TOGETHER ANOTHER ONE IN THE MULTIPLE COLORS AND THEN JUST TAKE THE OTHER ONE OUT AND DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH IT? BUT HONESTLY I LIKE THE CENTER ONE BEST. AND I COULD JUST BUY MORE FABRIC, BUT I WANT TO AVOID SPENDING MORE MONEY ON FABRIC... |
Hope you all are enjoying your end of the summer days, and look for the joy in the simple things that are all around us. Blessings to you all! Debbie
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I love your runner, and the blocks! So pretty! I would say you are catching on very quickly to quilting!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about Melody's friend's mother. Such a terrible shame.
I know you miss you Mom every day. I still miss my Dad every day, and it has almost been 10 years. I talk to him all the time, and I don't feel that awful pain that I used to feel. But I do miss him every day.
Time will ease the pain, and smiles will replace the tears.
Hugs,
Kris
As one who's lost her mom, I know a little of what you're going through, although you are much closer to your mom. {{hug}}
ReplyDeleteNow to the quilting, on your last runner: no one else is even going to notice - or care - that you only used 2 fabrics on the block in the middle. Trust me ... we who work on our projects almost literally have them in our faces for several hours or longer ... so every little imperfection jumps out like a huge sore thumb. Others, especially non quilters, will never even begin to see the things that drive us crazy. I say put that last runner together as is ... it will be charming and so much appreciated!
Your triangles are all gorgeous! You are really coming right along!
Well I can't tell you just started. Your points are fantastic and everything looks just perfect. I started quilting in my 20s and then stopped for 25 years so I know what you are talking about. I feel so far behind with everything. I know how it feels to get obsessive about it. I am the same way.
ReplyDeleteYou know My birth Mom died when I was 11 and my step mom died 4 years ago.
Never a day goes by that I don't long for them, I never ever stopped missing my birth Mom and as the years go by it is pretty much the same way. I read though as as they are in our thoughts they are really never gone.
I liked that,
Well keep enjoying your machine and your quilting. I think there is something healing to do that and it gives your mind a rest.
Have a wonderful day. Did your heat break? Ours did last night. It feels so nice again,
You could be sharing my thoughts because thus is just how it is for me when I am sewing. I am forever second guessing my selections and fretting about why I can't seem to figure it out. Don't let my opinion sway you, but I like the pattern in the last photo that picks up the white. One thing is sure...I wish that I had paid my Geometry teacher some attention!
ReplyDeleteforgive typos...iPad woes...
ReplyDeleteDebbie, I could feel your frustration and pain all through your post, but you always see the good and truth in those moments. That is a blessing. Treasure those special moments with your granddaughter. They grow up and move on so quickly. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear of Melody's friend's mom passing. We are dealing with a dear brother in law's death as of yesterday. So sad.
ReplyDeleteI love table runners and this one is so festive and beautiful. Hey, you could sell them on Etsy if you wanted. Bags sell well there too.
I love hearing all about your grands. Such fun!
Hugs~
It seems that all the comments let you know that for those of us who have lost moms, you never really get over it; you go on but there is still a hole there. I was 21 when my mom passed at 61 and I always felt cheated out of having her around when I was mature. Thinking of you today.
ReplyDeleteYour runners and squares are perfect Debbie-you are so far ahead of where I was when I started. You will progress quickly-your sewing skills will help you.
Sending love your way.
Noreen
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ReplyDeleteDebbie
ReplyDeleteHow can you do all this without a pattern? I think you're doing great.
I think everyone's going to be more than happy to receive your table runners as gifts!
I'm still missing my Mom too Debbie. We had them with us longer than most people do, but it's still hard.
A friend of mine lost her mother years ago. She is going through a very difficult time in her life right now, and in one of our conversations, she said that the line, "sometimes I feel like a motherless child" has been alive to her since the day she lost her all those years ago. She said that sometimes, it's the little things and sometimes (right now) it's the big things, but in all things there is always a nagging and a longing not to be a motherless child.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you with this post. Unless God takes me first, I will be in your shoes someday. I'm not fooling myself by thinking otherwise.