Tomorrow is Spiritual Sunday and as always my mind began to wonder a couple of days ago on what I should post this week. As I have mentioned before, I have a little collection of devotionals I wrote last year that I often draw from. But this week as I was browsing through them, I couldn’t seem to find one that suited where my heart has really been at this week. FINALLY (DUH) it occurred to me that I didn’t have to use one from my collection, but could focus in on where I have been these last couple of days or so with the Lord. This of course presented me with a whole new set of problems. This has not been an easy week for me. And no one wants to hear a downer, do they Lord? No one wants to hear about how I struggle, or complain, or worry, or fall soo short of having it altogether that it’s a wonder that I manage to get along at all sometimes. But the problem is that THIS is my life, sometimes anyway. All my days aren’t sunny and warm, and sometimes the storm clouds come and worse yet it thunders and pours down rain.
Whenever I am struggling with something, pretty much no matter what it is, my attitude it seems is never quite what I want it to be. Until I reach that point where I have finally let the Holy Spirit do His work anyway, I can be what I describe as just downright “grumpy”. I complain and whine, most times only in my own mind, but sometimes, left unchecked, I have even gathered speed and my unhappiness spills out around those who are unfortunate enough to be around me. Usually this means just my poor husband, but occasionally my “grumpiness” has been known to spill out on others as well. ALL of my children at one point or another have been standing in those shoes and felt the unpleasantness of mom being out of sorts, and so has the occasional phone solicitor, or even a rude store clerk from time to time. Now if I am being honest, I think as I have grown and matured and no longer suffer from “that time of the month”, I don’t have nearly as many of these kinds of times as I did when I was younger. I also like to think that as I have brought my mind, heart and spirit, and most of all my tongue, under the control of the Holy Spirit, I do so much better as well. But every once in a while, it rears its ugly head again, and I KNOW, this side of eternity, I will NEVER be that Christian I long to be. I have just found myself so frustrated this week as I have not only been fighting a nasty cough, (which is doing much better PRAISE GOD) but I have had to constantly deal with the fact that my knees just keep me from doing soo many of the things I want to do. Everything I go to do is difficult. And I am tired of it. I have to plan my day around how much time it might take me get something done, how far I might have to walk, how much they hurt before the day had even started, and on and on and on. They have hurt me every day for almost a year now to one degree or another, and I am tired of dealing with it. I need to finish my diet (or at least come a lot closer to my goal) before I consider doing the replacement surgery. And I am tired of my diet menu, and tired of the SLOW way the weight is crawling off, and tired of watching others eat what I would LOVE to eat as well. And I am having a MAJOR attitude problem this week with it all. For me, whenever I feel this ugly way, I want to hide my “real” self away from others so as to not first of all be annoying, but also to prevent being a bad witness of our wonderful Lord from others. I even have found myself (at times) hiding these real feelings from the Lord and praying that no one, most of all Him, would notice. But as I was feeling this way last night, and was searching the scriptures for some answer to my dilemmas, I came across this verse.
Psalm 139:2 -4 You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, Oh Lord, You know it altogether.
How in the world could it NOT occur to me that the Lord knows me and my heart and my thoughts inside out and backwards? He knows, if no one else does, what I am capable of thinking, feeling, or worse yet saying, LONG before any of it forms in my head. But as I continued to read and pour out my heart to the Lord, He was finally able to work with me, and reminded me of so many of His wonderful truths. How grateful I am that He loves me just as I am. A sinner saved by grace. He truly has blessed me more abundantly than I can ever really thank Him for, or comprehend. His love makes me want to live my life to please Him more. He reminded me once again that while I may suffer with physical afflictions here on this earth, it is after-all only temporary. He does give me the strength to do the things I need to do every day, and provides me with His Holy Spirit to bring comfort and peace when I am hurting. How I love the Lord. He always is there for me even when I KNOW I am not pleasant to be around, loving me with that same unconditional love that drew me to Him in the first place. So I guess that is where my heart is this week; full of love and gratitude to a mighty God who loves me just as I am. A sinner saved by grace.
Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.
Romans 8:35, 36 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
God’s richest blessings to you all,
You can read the other Spiritual Sunday posts HERE