Well, tomorrow is the big day. I have MANY emotions about all that is going on as you can very well imagine. I have struggled with anxiety my whole life as I have shared before, but I can honestly say that through this whole thing the Lord has been so faithful to me, and I have experienced His peace and love in such abundance that it has more than gotten me through; and how grateful I am. I think those who know me the best have been as pleased as I have, that the Lord has met this need so obviously. On Wed. morning as I was doing my devotions I prayed as always, but specifically asked God to speak to me and let me know and hear something specifically from Him; just for me. I wanted to really hear His voice. He didn’t disappoint me as He lead me to these verses in Psalms. I personalized them by adding my name…
Psalm 29: 10, 11…and the Lord sits as King forever. The Lord will give strength to Debbie; the Lord will bless Debbie with peace.
This Psalm also just speaks about “hearing” the Lord’s voice. His voice is heard over all creation. His voice is powerful and full of majesty. He spoke everything that was and is into being and holds it all in His mighty and loving hands. The God of this mighty universe loves us and cares for us and will meet our every need. I have NOTHING to fear. I have felt a flooding of His peace every since. Now of course that is not to say that fear, and doubt, and worry, and all that goes with those emotions have not come knocking at my door. The enemy is doing his very best as always. And yet, greater is He who is in me than he who is the world. The enemy just really doesn’t have a chance.
I will have much support at the hospital tomorrow as so many of family members will be there for me. Again, how grateful I am. I will ask all of you to pray for me as you have been soo faithful to do so. I have some very specific requests if you don’t mind, but PLEASE pray any way that the Lord leads you to do so. I would ask MAINLY that His peace continues to flood my heart and spirit as I will be waiting for I while I understand before it actually happens. Now this is going to sound ridiculous, but if you knew me well you’d know just how large I have this, haha ~ but please pray I am not starving ~ I am one of those people who wakes up hungry and does the majority of my eating for the day by noon. Fasting is NEVER easy for me as I become weak, shaky and just plain old weird when I don’t eat. Soo I am really not looking forward to that. Then, I guess I have to have a dye injected into me when I arrive so that they know just exactly what nodes to remove during surgery. It can take anywhere from 1 to 4 hours or more for this to happen, and of course the surgery can’t happen until it does. Please pray that it happens quickly. (see the above request as to why I have this large, haha) I would also ask that the Lord guides the surgeon’s hands and gives everyone wisdom in dealing with all that is happening. I would ask that my blood pressure stays in control the entire time I am there. It does tend to soar. And that my heart does not palpitate as it seems to do especially when I am stressed. And I would also ask that as I come out of the anesthesia that I have no problems. I HATE waking up and feeling soo weird and out of control. And finally, while I am there I want to be able to focus on those around me somewhat too who are going through surgery as well. The Lord has impressed upon my heart this last week or so that soo many of His people are going through so much too. And they may not have Him, or a large supportive family, or a blogland full of prayer warriors like I do. If all goes as planned I will be home the next day. Melody is to arrive this afternoon and I am soo excited to see her face. I wish it was for different circumstances as I will probably not be up for much at all besides laying around. But that does leave lots of time for chatting. I feel bad as it is her 2nd wedding anniversary on Tues. and she will be far away from her new hubby. I will have MUCH to deal with no doubt as I adjust to life after a double mastectomy and a major life move as well coming up in 3 weeks. But for now I plan on focusing on just getting through the surgery, and the recovery. On a different note, escrow will close today (we didn’t quite make last night) and I would ask that you might pray that all goes well with the work that is to be done while I am recovering.
I am soo grateful that it seems the cancer has been caught at the stage it has and that more than likely this will be all that I have to deal with. Sooo grateful. And yet if something else should change that, then I KNOW the Lord will see me through. I am soo grateful to all of you for praying and for being there for me. It has meant more to me than you can imagine. If I am not able to write out what happens soon myself, I will have Mel keep you updated. I continue to be grateful for my family who are soo supportive and helpful, and for the kindness a complete stranger showed me yesterday as she gave me tips on how to cope following the surgery. Yesterday afternoon GORGEOUS flowers arrived in the mail from some good friends of Mel’s. Soo sweet. In the meantime, know that you are all in my heart and that I will be anxious to get back to visit blogland and see for myself what is happening with all of you. Much love to you all……Debbie
Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.