Well it is Tues afternoon and I thought I might try and do a little blogging and catch you all up on what has been happening over here.
My thoughts and feelings have been all over the place. As I dwell back even a little bit as to what has happened in the last few weeks it seems incredible that so much has actually happened. A diagnose of breast cancer was not something I ever wanted to hear, and yet as like so many things in this life we just don't always get to pick what comes our way. But I have found that I discovered much in this brief journey so far. And right at the top of the list is that God is EVERYTHING He ever promised to be for me. He gave me His peace when I needed it most and lead me through each step of the way. This alone means soo much to me and brings a comfort in the knowledge that whatever what might happen, He will see me through. I also felt the love and support of my family in such tangible ways that it would be hard to describe to you. But knowing that they will be there no matter what this world dishes out, means more to me than you can know. The Lord has blessed me with soo much that I feel truly humbled.
We saw the surgeon today who though he still did not have the official pathology report in his hand, called the pathology department and got the report as he knew of course we would be wanting to hear while we were there. And the bottom line...the nodes were completely cancer free!! The left breast was completely cancer free, and the right breast had just the cancer they expected to find and nothing else; meaning of course that this should be the end of the treatment for me. I will see the oncologist in a couple more weeks who will give me the official release. She told me when I saw her two weeks ago that if that was what they found after surgery, that she would be officially done with me. So it looks like that this is it. I can't even really begin to say how I feel about this as there are soo many emotions involved. Relief of course that radiation and chemo won't be happening to me at this time, gratitude that everything happened the way it did, are the obvious emotions of course, but I have found that there is even a little guilt which is really weird, but I feel it nonetheless. Soo many others don't get the news I did, and why should "I" be sooo fortunate? I have been blessed with soo much already. But I also feel sorrow and pain and even a little anger that I have had to have a double mastectomy. Just soo many emotions. I imagine it might take me a little while to sort through them all. But I know again that the Lord will walk me through and love me with a love that can never be imagined.
I am feeling VERY tired and VERY weak, and they are not totally sure why. It might be I am a little anemic and so I am going to start on some iron. It might be that my blood pressure medications are a little strong for having just had surgery. But whatever it is I am hoping they figure it out quickly and I am past it soon and feeling myself. I appreciate so your continued prayers about all of this. The pain is not bad at all and I am already just taking an occasional Tylenol. Lots of progress is taking place on our new house and I am anxious to feel well enough to check it out. My Melly will be here until Thursday and how I have enjoyed having her here. What a comfort she has been to me. Oh, and one more thing. I know beyond a shadow of doubt, that I have the best husband any woman has ever been blessed with. Whatever would I do without him? I hope to get around to some visiting tomorrow. Surely I will be feeling stronger soon. I've missed you all....Debbie