Monday, August 9, 2010


I am not sure where to start this morning.  I have soo much swirling around in my head.  I think I will start with the positive. 

Last week my grandson Jeffie came and had his first overnight stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  How I enjoyed him.  He was a "little" hesitant about the whole thing, but he ended up doing just great.  We made pancakes for breakfast, got a fresh hair cut and my sister brought her kids over to play later on in the day.  All in all a good day.  Here is a couple of pictures of his cute little face.

He was pleased to see "Bambi" had come to stay on our new porch

He's lost two teeth now...such a cutie.

Next time we will head over to the lake and let him feed the ducks and maybe do a little fishing.  If all goes according to plan, Lindsey should come and stay with us next for a couple of days.  I am looking forward to that too. 

On Sat. we had a few people over and celebrated my mother's 79th birthday!  We bbq'd hamburgers and had all the fixings to go with it like fresh corn on the cob and home grown tomatoes.  It was quite yummy, but more than that it was nice to fill our house again with people.  I intended to take pictures of the day but somehow forgot.  I did make my famous Oatmeal Cake which my mother LOVES and I make for her every year.  I decided to share the recipe really fast as it is easy and is soooo enjoyed by all.

You simply take a stick of margarine and 1 and half cups of boiling water and 1 cup of quick cooking oats and put them in a covered pan for 20 min.  Then, you add 1 cup of brown sugar and 1 cup of white sugar, 1 tsp. of salt and baking soda and cinamon, and 2 eggs and stir well.  Then you add 1 and half cups of flour and pour into a greased 9 by 13 pan and bake at 350 for 35 min.  While the cake is baking I mix up the topping.  It is just 2 tablespoons of margarine, 1/2 cup each of brown and white sugar, 1 tsp. of vanilla, 1/2 cup of evaporated milk and a packaged (small) of chopped walnuts (or whatever kind of nuts you like ~ I've made it with almonds too) and pour over the top of the cake just as it is coming out of the oven.    This cake is good all by itself with a cup of coffee or tea, or with a little whip cream on top, and of course a scoop of vanilla ice cream is wonderful too. 
Today August 9th is her big day and I thank God for her.  I enjoy a closeness with my mother which I treasure and look forward to many more years with her.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

As for the rest of what is in my head, it is kind of hard to explain.  It is just such a mixture of things I guess.  But unfornately right at the top (or near it anyway) is how I look.   I guess I don't expect any woman who has had a double mastectomy to not go through a period of time adjusting to how they look.  I don't think it is something I gave much thought to before the surgery.  There really wasn't time for one thing, and when you are battling breast cancer it is not really your top priority.  Or it certainly wasn't mine anyway.  All I could think of was removing the problem and moving on with my life.   And the fact that I have been able to do just that remains the MAIN thing I focus on and fill my heart and head with a gratitude that can't really be totally expressed.  However, as I have moved past that and got through our big move, I am looking in the mirror finally, and to say I am somewhat horrified would put it mildly.  I have never been what I consider to be a particularly vain woman.  I TRY to look my best.  I color my hair (I am almost totally gray anymore) have my nails and feet done on a regular basis, and try to wear clothes that suit my age and body.   I wouldn't consider stepping out of the house without my makeup on and yet that is about where it all ends.  I have been overweight for years and it is a constant battle, but let's face it if I cared more about how I looked this wouldn't be the problem that it is.  I've dieted in the last year or so do to health concerns more than how I look.  However now I have added a whole new problem to my dilemma's.  If I am being honest, I look like an overweight know BIG stomach but flat chest.  I won't's not a good look.  If I weighed what I should weigh, it wouldn't be nearly as bad I am quite certain.  Now I can of course EVENTUALLY get my prothesis which should help the problem alot, but I am AT LEAST 5 more weeks away from even getted fitted for that and who knows how long after that before I get them.  And it may be more than 5 weeks as well.  The swelling on one side is going down slowly.  SIGH....Sooo in the meantime, it is what it is.  Well, I decided I would do something with my hair.  Maybe that would help....My hair is VERY long right now and had become VERY VERY blonde.  My hair (when it HAD color) was more of a very warm med shade of brown.  Well, to make a long story short I went last Friday and colored my hair a VERY VERY dark reddish brown.....It was such a change and shock that at first I couldn't decide if I liked it or not.  Well the decision is in....I HATE IT....haha....I don't think it was what I wanted to do in the first place, but the bottom line is for many reasons what I did.  However, I am not going to be able to live with it.  Sooo on Wed I am going in and we will begin the process of highlighting it to get back more towards what I "think" I may want.  Jessie is wonderful with color, but obviously she can't wave some magic wand and turn me into a thin younger woman with a curvy figure, haha....I think I am going to cut it DRAMATICALLY as well.  I am trying to diet.  But so far that is all it is.  A weak attempt at trying.  I just can't seem to get my head into it.  I know I must eat healthy and right to feel my best, and yet I battle it everyday.  I am not giving up.  You need not worry that I am cutting back too much or going about it in a ridiculous way.  I am lucky if I somewhat stick to the plan at all.  It is such a vicious cycle.  Meanwhile, I look somewhat like Ozzie Osborne I've decided so the long dark hair will have to go, haha...Please pray I get my head in the place it needs to be.  Please pray that I get my eating under control and come up with a hair do that suits both my coloring and age and extra weight in my face.  But my importantly I need to focus my head and heart more on Him and what He would have me doing with my life right now then on how I look while I am doing it.  My arthritis in my knees has reach all new proportions as well, but I will save that for another post....I've many things to do today but I hope to get around to visit everyone later...

This is kind of blurry but you get the general idea....Mel wanted to "see" the hair, so here it is Mel, haha


  1. Sweet Friend,

    You look so beautiful to me.

    I have been having a problem with the weight issue thing myself. With so much going on here I have a tendency to reach for chocolate and that kind of comfort food. It's just awful. I empathize with your feelings in that department. My hair is cut very short and when I was talking with my sister yesterday I told her that sometimes I feel that my head looks like a pin and well...the rest of me looks so much bigger.

    It's a vicious cycle what we go through isn't it?

    The rest is coming my friend. It probably feels like forever during the waiting, but it is coming. Rest in Him and He will give you peace beyond understanding. That's what I tell myself with the weight thing. I have a fatty liver and have already had a biopsy done and was told to lose weight for my hasn't happened. It is so very very hard.

    My heart is with you my friend and my prayers go up for you every day.

    I love you.

    Big Hugs,

  2. The post had me kind of depressed and then I saw the look on your face in this picture and had to laugh. Frankly, I like you with darker hair. I think your complexion is more suited to it and you look very pretty that way. Not that the lighter isn't good too... Won't the dark wash out to a degree? I'm thinking it will. And what's more, I like the long. I know EXACTLY what you mean however (being in the same boat with teenage hair) BUT I don't know that now is the time for a drastic change. A month ago you LOVED it....

    One thing at a time. I'll be praying for you.

  3. I've changed my mind. Scrolling down and looking at the pic at Jessie's shower, I think I DEFINATELY like your hair better darker....

  4. Oh Debbie. I read your post twice. I cannot sit here and say I know anything about you are feeling. But I do know what I see, when I see you. And we have met in person. I see a beautiful lady. Inside and out. Your hair, when I met you, I loved. ( I am jealous, as I could never grow mine long) and the color suited you. But seeing this photo, I feel like it suits you too. But if you don't like it, by all means lighten it. The waiting for the prosthesis must be so hard. But, truly, I feel you are being way too hard on yourself. Coming from someone else who has to do battle with their weight, but who loves to cook, and loves to eat, man oh man, do I know that struggle! I SO wish we lived closer!!!
    Hugs to you my friend!

  5. Lots of hugs cute grandson, and really cute photo of you too, thanks for sharing, Blessings Barbara

  6. Debbie - So glad to read a post today....I feel like I have been "out of the loop" as I really did stay off the computer the whole time that Jordan was here. And I know you probably think I totally forgot about you (and your little gift) but I did not:) Its right on the kitchen counter and I think of you every day when I see it - it WILL get mailed this week!

    It is amazing how we feel about ourselves - physically - has such an impact on us. You have been through alot...and, although, I have had cancer and done chemo - the changes in your body have been tramatic. Be patient with yourself.

    I think its great that you changed things up a bit with a new 'do:) Honestly, I really like the dark hair! But, of course, it doesn't really matter if everyone else likes it if you don't keep working on it until you feel fabulous!! Maybe you would like some cute highlights!

    Certainly will be praying for patience - and many more days with those cute little ones! That's the real deal, anyways...right!! Have a great week, friend.

  7. Oh sweet friend, I long to just come along side you and give you hugs. You are so beautiful girl but I know what you mean when you don't look like you want. I'm battling some liver issues(did I email you?)and understand how uncertain life can be. The weight will come off but give yourself time.
    Lots of love to you today.

  8. Debbie, you are beautiful and loved by so many!

  9. I think you are beautiful inside and out...and I am sure those grandkids have the best grandmother in the world.
    I have been praying for you as you walk through the different stages. I also sent you back emails...just to let you know that you are such a special person!!!

    Been missing seeing your post and being around!
    Blessings...beautiful lady!!!!

  10. Debbie, the burgers and corn and tomatoes sound heavenly. Jeffie is adorable! Such a little cutie pie.

  11. Hi Debbie,

    I too really think that you are beautiful inside and out. I know that I have no idea what all has gone through your own mind with the changes you have recently had, but I do know that we are all our own worst critics. It's so true. I get on myself all the time for not being in the same shape I was in before I had kids. I think we can really beat ourselves up sometimes, and then when you hear other's perspectives sometimes you ask yourself why didn't I see it that way?

    I can understand needing a change though. That might make you feel really good too. I do like the hair color dark on you, but as a blonde before, I know it is a big change. I think you should throw some highlights back in there to brighten you up, and even though I like your length too, have you ever thought about an a line bob? That way you still keep the length around your face, but it is shorter in the back and really full. I bet that would look so cute on you. Good luck with the hair situation! I am sure it will turn out great.

    Big hugs to you Debbie.


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!