Thursday, February 17, 2011


I have debated for a couple of days over what I might post about, as some of what is on my heart is NOT upbeat nor particularly newsworthy, or even probably all that interesting to most. And yet, as I thought about it, this blog is (at least partially anyway) suppose to be a journal of my thoughts and feelings, and if I only write about the GOOD STUFF (which let's face it does makes for the FUN and good blog reading posts) how well will any of my grandchildren really get to know me someday as they read through it? Or even more importantly, how will they ever know how much I depend on God to get me through these times, and how faithful He really is to do so? Because like it or not my life is a LARGE mixture of good times and bad. Soo I decided to write at least some of the feelings I have been having in the last few days down. If you chose not to read this, I can't say as I blame you, and let me say right from the very beginning there is very little to say or comment on to ANY of it so PLEASE don't feel like you must, as that is not really what this post is about.

I go about most of my life in a VERY upbeat frame of mind. I have MUCH to be grateful for, and have truly led a life that has been blessed in MANY different ways. I DON'T like to complain. I DON'T like to whine. I DON'T want to ever fall in a pattern of feeling sorry for myself. I believe I have the power to choose where to "park my heart" in other words. I believe in the biblical principle that is given to us in Philippians.

Phil. 4 8 - 9 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

The ending of these verses is the promise and the part I like to dwell on most. "IF" we set our minds on the GOOD things in this life, REALLY meditate on them, then God's peace (which is a peace ONLY He can give ~ can't get it from the world or anything this world has to offer) WILL be with us. I have leaned on this verse soo many times in my life I could never count them up, and it has ALWAYS proved to be true. God is faithful and true to His promises. But of course it would then stand to reason that IF I let my mind dwell on the negative, the ugly, the hard, the bad, the unfair and on and on then I will lose that peace of God somewhere in the whirlwind of my anxiety, pity and fret. The old "put garbage in, take garbage out" comes into play. So much of the walk of the Christian comes down to the mind. Romans 12:2 speaks of the essential place of being transformed by the renewing of your mind and 2 Corinthians 10:5 speaks of the importance of casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. What we CHOOSE to meditate on matters, whether we think it does or want it to or not. So therefore it should be OBVIOUS to me by now the important of starting each day asking the Holy Spirit to fill me with His power, and bring ALL of my thoughts into captivity that aren't in line with His. And yet, even knowing down deep in my soul the truth of all of this I have felt myself in the last few days feeling somewhat down. I am VERY tired of being in pain. It has been particularly bad recently. The other night my knees literally burned they hurt soo bad. My lower back hurt. My hips hurt. My ankles hurt. My neck hurt. I am not sure if it was the rain coming (some say you feel it really bad if you have arthritis) or more likely it was because I had been a little more active than usual the two days prior. And trust me, I hadn't done much. I did a little shopping (had to get a Valentine's present for my hubby) and had walked quite a bit with my mom looking for a senior apartment dwelling for her to consider moving into. And here is where my thoughts really got out of control. My 78 year old, stroke victim mom has more ability to get around then I do!! Most of those senior citizens I saw that day did as well! I feel VERY old before my time, and am forced to do sooo little, else I am in the pain I felt the other night. I am tired of it. I watch MUCH older women whisking by my window on walks, puttering in their flower beds, and just generally getting around soo much easier than me it seems. I recently heard of an old friend of my mother's (she is 81) who is still winning first place ribbons for her quilts and pies at the county fair, is taking a new cooking class, goes to an exercise class 3 times a week, teaches a weekly women's Bible study group, AND (now here was the real kicker) just recently modeled in a fashion show for older women. She is a former model and school teacher and is as beautiful now as she was in her 30's and 40's. And to finish this all off is one of the kindest, most giving, Godly Christian woman it has ever been my good fortune to know. Now of course I know the danger of comparing yourself to ANYONE...because after all it is all in who you compare yourself to. I might not be able to do as much as some of these women, but compared to those who can't even get out of their beds, sit paralyzed in wheel chairs, or even have to have machines breathe for them, I am a world athlete. I do light housekeeping every day, all of our laundry, cook and prepare our meals, visit and play with my grandkids, drive my mom around on many of her errands as well as my own, and many, many things that keep my mind and hands busy. And when I get enough weight off I will do the surgery to repair my knees and hopefully open up a whole new world for myself. I do realize I DON'T have to wait to get all of my weight off, though my doc. did recommend getting quite a bit of it off first, but I am not really ready mentally to put myself through another major surgery just yet anyway. So I wait. And I follow my diet as best as I can. I feel like I am crawling in that department though I have lost 11 and half pounds in 6 weeks which I guess is really pretty good and as good as I should expect. But there is SOOO much more to go.

I am in a much better place today with all of this, which is why I considered not writing about the struggle I have had the last few days. And yet, I know what an important part the Lord has played in this struggle, which is why I felt like I just had to get it down. He gently reminded me (again) of what I DO have and how grateful I am for all of it. Let me just mention a couple of them....The fact that I don't have to work to put food in my mouth or a roof over my head as I am not even sure how I even could. That it was AFTER my 4 children were raised before this arthritis really flared it's ugly head as I know many aren't that fortunate and have to deal with the busyness of kids in the midst of their pain. My husband who waits on me all he can and does so without even really thinking about it. The other morning after I had showered and dressed I came out to my favorite comfy chair to find he had my various ice packs packed and waiting for me there, and my tea hot and ready. The fact that I have yet another grandbaby coming to love and cherish. The fact that my general health is really very good and I feel WONDERFUL as long as I don't move around much. The fact that there even is such a thing as knee replacement...The list could go on and on I assure you. We serve a mighty and loving God and He has loved me with an everlasting love which I have done nothing to deserve. And what better thing is there to post about?

Jer 31: 3  The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

So there you have it. I have many other things I could share, but this is long and I will wait for another time. Hope you are all having a good week, and remember to meditate on all the Lord has blessed you with.


  1. Good afternoon, sweet friend! How wonderful to be able to share your heart...and then to think through your thoughts so as to make your own comments to yourself:) Very therapeutic, no doubt!

    Yes, indeed, how closely linked His peace in our hearts is to our thoughts...and where our minds dwell. I am often amazed how quickly I can slip into pity mood and focus my thoughts there - all the time wondering if God cares?? because I've lost my peace. Well, no kidding.

    So sorry that you have been hurtin' so much lately. I promise to be lifting you up in prayer. Praying that God will give you an extra dose of comfort...and patience as you work with the diet (go 12 pounds off!!)...and much grace as you depend on Him each morning! The are new every morning!!

    Huge hugs, friend!! Jennifer

  2. I don't know what it would be like to feel pain every single day. You are human and that has to weigh on you. I know that you will do everything that you have to and you will one day get that surgery. I have to give you kuddos on the 11 pounds, honestly, that is awesome. I still don't think I've lost a single pound and am struggling with losing weight like never before. I'm trying something new this week and am hoping that it works. We shall see!

    Keep it up Debbie, I think you are doing great!

  3. First of all hugs....we all in blog land can take the pretty pictures without revealing the dirt around the corner, or the fact the kids argued at the beautifully set table, or that we are having a bad day. I made fun of my bad week in Mental Pause Moments...but the truth is I wanted to pack my bags and run...God allowed me to blog and lift my own spirits up.

    So, all that is to say, being honest is what matters in the long run and what we will leave behind to our family when all the bloggers have stopped blogging.

    I have been praying for your seasons of depression and for your knees!! Your outlook on life is great, but anytime pain is involved or continued struggles of any kind, well we all get down.

    Congratulations on your weight if you really want to compare do it to me...I have been walk/jogging...up to 5 miles a day for over a month and guess how much I lost....I gained!!!! Go figure!!! So give yourself a big high five and laugh when you get on that scale and say, "well I am doing better than Janette, she is gaining weight!!!" It would make me day if it cheers you up.

    Hugs and love,

  4. I say hooray for speaking the truth about how you feel. Too often we tend to sugarcoat things because it sounds too negative or that we are down. There are days when I could just cry too.

    I'm sorry you've been having so much pain lately. It sounds like you have much frustration over the weight issue but you did lose some weight! So I say good for you. It's hard when you can't exercise much. But you know Deb, even going for slow walks is something (if you can do that). I've found it's so much harder to lose as we get older.

    Thanks for the honesty here Deb.

    Love you,

  5. Hi Debbie,

    Your faith is always an inspiration to me.

    I know that your diet will be successful and then you will be able to have surgery for your knees. One of my bunco friends just had her knees done and is up and moving incredibly well. She did not loose weight before having the for thought.

    Think of you....Maryrose

  6. Praying for you dear friend, have shared in Philippians, the very scriptures that God gave me to hold onto when I was at a very low point in my life, I committed them to memory and still cling to the promise of His peace, I also committed verses 6-7 0f chapter 4.
    I also watched God's Peace come over you as you continued to write. I truly believe that when God created us with emotions and gave us the ability to express them, that He didn't intend for us to keep it within.So please continue.

    I applaud you for the strides that you have made to regain your health.I am in the process of trying to regain my health too, I know I didn't get here overnight,and I won't correct it overnight. But also get very discouraged at times, especially when I don't see the results I want. But God is so faithful to us His children.
    I too have been amazed at how I see older women like you have described, and like my mother just flourish, and for that I am so thankful.
    I like to watch Dr Oz, and yesterday he said that it was never to late to regain your health. I said woo hoo!, Sue there is hope." LOL"
    Take care and let that sweet husband continue to love you. I have a very dedicated and sweet husband too, and do not know what I would have done if he had not been there these past weeks and months, and years. lol.
    Sending much love to you.

  7. How very nice though that you have lost 11 pounds!! I am still stuck at 7 :) Pain is like that, it makes us afraid. When I am in pain it always consumes my thoughts, I can't think of anything else except getting out of pain. I think you do really well. You may not notice but despite the pain you are still serving your families needs. I think that is amazing. Don't be so hard on yourself, I think you do very much and I really appreciate that you are real. I do hope you get a break from the pain, and yes, it could be this big storm that is supposed to be coming. I have been having some aches and pains that only come when we are going to have a big storm.
    I will be praying for you.

  8. Hi Debbie,
    I am so sorry you are feeling down in the dumps! Pain is an awful thing to live with. Speaking as the spouse of someone who is in pain every day....I must say, it is heartbreaking. Have you tried pain management? I hear good things about that. Acupuncture? Water aerobics? Keep on keeping on. One foot in front of the other, every day. It will get better.

  9. Hi Deb-
    I love hearing your heart. You are an amazing woman of God! May God continue ministering His truths to your heart from His Word. I love the verses that you shared. They truly are our ammunition to combat Satan in times of mental wars over our circumstances and emotions. Stand firm in Christ. You are victorious through Him!

    And for the 11 pounds, I say....way to Go! It is 11 closer to you goal. Look at how far you've come, not how far you have to go!

    Thanks for sharing your struggles with all of us. It keeps blogging real and transparent and even connects us all in deeper ways, as we all press on together.

    Much love,

  10. i feel honored that you would share your
    pain along with your joy. our lives are
    filled with both, and that's what friends
    are for!

    how precious of your husband to fill your
    ice packs for you. he is a treasure.

    i pray that all your terrible pain will subside
    and applaud your loss of 11 pounds!!!!
    that's amazing. keep up the good work.


  11. Thank you for sharing your struggle, Debbie. It's hard to live in constant pain and struggle with thoughts of feeling "less"; I've been down this road recently and been hard to keep perspective in it all. Training the mind is key... keeping thoughts fixed on Jesus and his truth rather than allowing our minds to wander to lesser things.

    You are precious to God, to his kingdom, and to me. Thank you for being in my life.


  12. Hi Debbie..tomorrow on my spiritual sunday post...I'm listing a few people that need prayer. I hope it's okay...I put you down. It will be on this

    I'm glad you share your heart so we can help each other. Stay strong okay...

  13. Hi Deb -

    Hope this week will be a great one for you...thinking about you this morning:)

    Hugs - Jennifer

  14. Debbie, it sounds like you really have some challenges in your health. A woman in my Christian writer's group has arthritis and fibromyalgia, and it's all she can do to get from one place to another. I'm thinking your pain sounds similar to hers.

    I have fibromyalgia. I don't know if you have that, but I have found something that helps. It's Mucinex. It used to be available by prescription only, and went under the name of guafenisin (sp?). It loosens the toxins in your body and flushes them out. Of course you have to drink a lot of water when you take one of these.

    Also, I'm drinking healthy water now, and that helps too. Do you filter your water? Unfiltered water only adds to your ails. I make up a pitcher of water with one sliced lemon, one sliced cucumber, a chunk of ginger root (peeled and cubed) and 12 mint leaves. It's delicious and I've been feeling pretty good ever since I started drinking it. Ginger root is good for inflammation. In fact, all of these ingredients are beneficial.

    I hope this helps you. I will keep you in my prayers!


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!