THE WOMAN I DON'T WANT TO BE.....

I am going to try and not flip out as I typed this WHOLE thing already, only to lose it somehow with my club fingers...I have eaten my dinner now, so hopefully I will be able to concentrate better, haha...

Why is it that whenever I think I have got a grip on things, or seem to be doing well in my walk with the Lord, that I do something and realize I am nothing but a "blow it" mess??? Let me tell you my day....

Nina was coming to clean today, and yes, I am still hiding from her, so I had a whole day of activities planned to keep me busy and away all day....I started my day frantically getting everything ready for her which includes stripping beds, washing sheets, having everything in it's proper place, watering plants etc. etc.....which I managed to do and be gone before I ever saw her face or heard her voice. I headed over to Greenbelt Park and parked my car, rolled down my windows to let in a wonder breeze and worked on my Bible study lesson....It is a GREAT study and I felt I was getting lots of things out of it. Then, I figured a couple of bills and headed over to the post office to mail them. I stopped at the Pharmacy and picked up my prescriptions and decided it was time for lunch. I went to the Hat and ordered a turkey sandwich on wheat with a large water feeling quite buffed....then I sat in my car, again rolled my windows down to a wonder breeze (it was sooo nice today) and whipped out my new Karen Kingsbury book and proceeded to eat and read....two of my favorite things.....At 12:30 I headed over to Costco where I had an appointment to get my eyes examined. This went well and quickly, and I ordered my contacts and picked out new glasses. I have been without glasses of any sort for over 2 months so I was quite giddy when I was through. Then, I strolled through Costco, congratulating myself when I left as I didn't eat even one free sample anywhere...haha I stopped then at the mall and not only got the make up I have been needing for 3 weeks, but also got Blake's birthday present, which just as a tip is darling....Then, to reward myself for diligently taking care of all these things, I headed to the Thinnery and bought myself a choc pecan log (a mere 85 calories) and drove back to the park, whipped my book out, rolled my windows down, and proceeded to enjoy both my treat and my book until I began to feel drowsy. So, I tipped my seat back and dozed for about a half hour....It was WONDERFUL....Then, I had to pee soooo badly I decided to drive over to Hallmark to get a card and wrapping paper for Blake's gift, and to shop around in a store I love and haven't been in quite a while...maybe even buy a thing or two....I have used the bathroom in this store many times, so I knew they had one.....Here's where the day takes an ugly turn....I scurry as quickly as my HUGE body with aching knees and feet can scurry to the back of the store where I knew the bathroom was. There is a young girl working back there who greets me pleasantly. I say to her, "Hi, I have to use your bathroom badly." and then laughed like an idiot. She says, "Oh, well we are not really suppose to let customers use the bathroom." So I said, "Really, cuz I have used it many, many times...(I have lived here 23 years)...and she says, "Well, let me ask someone else." I think to myself, "rookie" and follow her to front of the store where an older middle aged heavy set woman is working quite grumpily. I seem to be the only customer in the store....Before this young girl can even really get the question completely out of her mouth, She makes this face like she is sucking a lemon and snarls out, "ABSOLUTELY not, she will have to go next door to Staters Bros." She was rude, annoying, and her answer was sooo snarly you would have thought this poor girl had asked if she could give me free merchandise or something....she finished the whole thing off by rolling her eyes and sighing with exasperation....Now in her defense I don't think she saw me standing there, with at this point my head off and rolling somewhere near the ceiling. I say, "Is there ANY reason at all you are being sooo incredibly rude over such a common and simple question?? I have used the bathroom in this store many many times in the past, and was surprised I am no longer able to do so. If that is your policy now, fine. I can go somewhere else. However you should know I will NOT be back now, or EVER...and you can thank your rude mouth for that....and just so you know, it is really pretty stupid on your part as I have been a frequent customer of this store for years and I generally spend a wad when I am here...., but looks like you have PLENTY of customers so it shouldn't bother you any." and I stalked from the store....Now I am smoking, still have to pee, and I head over to the Sideboard which is another store in downtown Upland that I love and have not been in since Christmas time....I go into the store, inquire about a restroom and am pleasantly directed to the back of the store where I used the EMPLOYEE restroom. A very smart woman.....To reward her for being wise, I purchased a Vera Bradley bag for my Bible study materials which I have been wanting for a while. I justified it by using my 25 dollar off card which I have been hoarding since I dropped a wad in there at Christmas...haha Plus, I figured it could be an early mother's day present from Jeff even though I am not his mother....I bought a few other small things to go with it and exited the store....I went back to the park, worked a little longer on my Bible study, and headed home. As I drove home the Lord impressed on my heart how I really didn't represent Him very well earlier at the store. Who knows why that woman spoke and acted the way she did. Maybe she had a very good reason she was sooo grumpy and sour...but my response was just as snarly and in my tantrum and I had now spent money I really hadn't intended to spend. Sooo WHO did I really teach a lesson to, and WHAT had I really accomplished?? I felt somewhat defeated and bad over the whole thing. What is wrong with me, and why do I always respond in such a quick tempered way?? Will I ever respond how I know God would have me respond with love and understanding, or will I always be the woman I really don't want to be??