Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Tonight I am feeling a little down. Not defeated, nor depressed, nor hopeless, nor sorry for myself. Just a little down. I am already weary of this journey, and I have barely begun...

Yesterday I went to see the Cardiologist...It went OK I guess...I actually felt pretty calm (for me) and my blood pressure while a little elevated was still normal....THANK YOU LORD...But after I described my palpitations etc., it seemed as if little to nothing was changed. She ordered a couple of tests. One I did today, and the other I am not going to do....I am not going to bore you with all of the details as to why I am choosing not to do this test....I am just NOT going to do it....I think my doc (or he hasn't said anything YET) is going to let this fly....we will see. And then today I went to the surgeon.  It started with my blood pressure going through the roof unfornately. SIGH...   He had both good and bad things to say I guess is the only way to describe it....He started by saying my kind of cancer is totally curable. Definitely good news. Then he went on to say that the cancer is extensive....YES....that was the word he used EXTENSIVE....Not exactly the way my doc explained it to me. I am not sure how "early stages" could be EXTENSIVE....However, he went on to say that it is NON INVASIVE...which of course is very good news....However (why must there ALWAYS be however) he also said that while they did MANY biopsy's ALL of which showed NON INVASIVE cancer, that there is still a slim chance that MAYBE there COULD BE some that isn't....Now, he REALLY doubts this, but he has to present it, as it "could" be...Then he went on to say a mastectomy is necessary....He also basically told me that a double mastectomy is what he thinks should be done...Not because he thinks there is any cancer in the other one, but because he feels there is a GOOD chance that there could eventually be. The old better safe now, than sorry later...He told me of course it was totally my decision and whichever one I chose (single or double) he would honor my choice. Well it didn't take long for my husband, myself and my sister Diane to quickly decide a double would be what I went for. I have scheduled it for Friday, June 4th. IF I do a double mastectomy and IF there is no sign of invasive cancer after the mastectomy’s, and IF there is no sign of cancer in my lymph nodes, THEN that will be the end of it....NO chemo, and NO radiation. I will have a 97% chance of the cancer NEVER returning...Pretty good odds I am thinking. If there is some invasive cancer, or lymph nodes, then chemo will happen he says....He told me flat out not to worry about it as he felt as certain as he could that it would not be the case....And yet, my mind keeps wanting to travel down that road...WHAT IF?? I have already fallen into the small percentage of women who have had a biopsy that ended the way mine did. Why not this? But it also comes back to the same thing I have told myself from the very beginning. I either believe that the Lord holds my life in His hands ~ or I don't. I either believe He will walk me through this from beginning to end NO MATTER what the outcome might be ~ or I don't. And in the end, I chose to believe He will see me through. It may not go exactly as I would like it to. It may not have the outcome I desire. But He WILL NEVER leave me or forsake me. His Word stands true and never falters. He LOVES me, He will care for me, and He is Lord...Tomorrow I see the oncologist...I DON'T WANT TO GO....I want to wait till after the surgery and see if an oncologist is even necessary....I don't want to hear any more bad news. I don't want to know more details. I want to NOT think about all of this for awhile. But my doc encouraged me to go. To listen to all that is said and be as informed as I can be. Soo, I will trudge off. I won't lie...I am NOT a happy camper...I am feeling a little weary already.

Meanwhile, I decided to focus tonight on some of the blessings I can see. Our new home is nearing the end of escrow already. It should close June 3. The day BEFORE my surgery which means I will be able to sign all the final papers and go on the walk through...Praise God for this... I feel truly blessed and I am VERY EXCITED over it all. I am thankful that I have managed to pick out tile, carpet, paint, appliances, and a BEAUTIFUL new bedding and quilt etc., for our room. I am thankful it will all be going in while I recover. I am thankful that I will have at least 3 weeks and maybe 4 before we actually move following the surgery. Should almost be back good as new. I am thankful for MANY helping hands to get all of this done. I am especially thankful to my two wonderful sisters Diane and Danae who have been here for me and supported me and laughed with me and cried with me. I am thankful as always for my wonderful husband that I just don't know what I'd ever do without. I am thankful for all of my friends and all of you who mean more to me than I could ever explain. I am thankful that my Melly is coming to be with me. I am not sure when but I pray we have at least a couple of days BEFORE the surgery to enjoy. And I am thankful that my son James is to teach tomorrow night (Wed.) at the mid-week service at his church. I will go if I can work it out with all of my appointments. But if not, then I am thankful I can catch it LIVE on-line. If any of you would like to hear him go to their website at 7:00 pm http://maranathachapel.org/ and tune into their live webcast. So, as you can see as always there is much to be thankful for. And now my spirits have calmed and I am again feeling His peace. His Word never comes back void...

Phl 4:6,7 & 8 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.


  1. Oh my gosh Debbie. This is so much to process for you. And all at once. I have asked myself before, what would I do? But I don't think anyone can actually say unless they themselves are going through it. I do know that you are an incredibly strong woman of faith, and that you will make the right decisions for you. Praying for you my friend.

  2. Debbie - in our cancer journey we found that not knowing was worse than knowing. I understand the uncertainty you are going through. God gave us the peace that passes all understanding and He will do the same for you.

    Praying for you!

    Love & Blessings,

  3. Debbie, I've been sick for a few days and missed all of these posts. I'm so sorry the news came back as cancer, but so thankful that you caught this in time.

    Your feelings are all normal and natural. It's okay to be scared. But so wonderful that you know you can't handle this on your own and are turning to the only ONE who can really give you that peace that you need right now.

    I'll be praying for you and for your surgery! Believing with you that all will come out in the end to show the glory of God through your circumstance!

  4. Having just gone through uterine cancer, I felt like your doctor was echoing mine with the what ifs and maybes...caught early, etc. and seeing the oncologist...I did not want to go either and actually put it off a week. I will tell you that I was very glad I went, even though I did not want to hear all the info given. It helped to have it all laid out before us. I think oncologists are very cautious and thorough..thinking of not only today but the future.
    So glad you have such a good loving support group! I know that having my hubby there every step of the way was comforting.
    You remain in my prayers. God is with you in all the details.
    God bless...

  5. As I was reading this I kept hearing a song we use to sing year ago..."Whose report will I believe? I will believe the report of the LORD!!!!"

    I sent you an email...looks like you already got some new items for your bed...maybe a celebration pillow!

    Blessings, prayers and hugs...thinking of you daily,

  6. Praying for you. Thank you for honestly cionveying your thoughts, fears and hopes. You are enabling us to go before the throne of grace equipped to pray more effectively through you. It is a scary path you walk but God will be there every step of the way holding your hand.

  7. Dearest Debbie, I lift you up before our Lord right now, even as you see the oncologist today. I pray the Lord's wisdom for him as well as you and your hubby and loved ones. I haven't walked through this journey myself but have known many who have...our Jesus will carry you through. Your faith is a shining example of His grace. As you said, no matter what, He will never leave you or forsake you!
    With love and prayers,

  8. Hi Debbie,
    You have a lot to process, and I know that when I was going through it I felt if I didn't hear it, it wasn't real...kind of the ostrich syndrome. But it is better to get all of the ifs and maybes to help you with the decisions you will need to make.
    You are a brave lady of faith and I know God will see you through this.
    Much love to you.

  9. Oh Debbie, I will be praying for you. I can understand the anxiety of not knowing for sure all that is going on or will happen. Trust and obey has been my theme for 2010 and you're in the middle of a situation that also calls for that.

    Hang in there and know that your blogging sisters are praying for you.

    Love and hugs,

  10. Oh Debbie. So much to think about and I'm so sorry. Keep your faith in God and He will see you through. We will all be continuing to pray for you through this rough time. Stay strong Debbie and focus on the positive. We all love you so much!!!

  11. I am praying for you. even though we've never met i feel you are my friend and i love reading your blog. you are an encouragement to me. just last night i was asking God to be with you ''my friend'' as i know he will thru this journey and as i prayed i really got a peaceful feeling about it. i will continue to pray for you friend. HUGS from Venetta in Tennessee..

  12. Debbie, your openness about your life has been such a blessing to me ever since I started reading your blog. This account of your new 'journey' will undoubtedly bring encouragement to someone going through the same. I'm with you in prayer, most especially that God will keep your spirits up and your eyes on Him. You are so VERY, VERY LOVED.

  13. Debbie,

    Just offering up prayers on your behalf...praying and praising at the same time! Praying for peace to rule and reign in your heart and mind, for Gods Healing power to go forth and even in preparing the road to recovery! Lifting your surgeons, nurses and all who are involved to be working as the LORD directs and guides them in their skills and knowledge, in the compassion and care. I am praising HIM for each and everyone HE is surrounding you with ~ your DH, your sisters and children and the precious grandchildren ...I know HE is in each one as they love you and hug your neck or as they sit and listen and at times cry. I know HE is with them as they will so gladly carry your burdens... but please know that as they are there so are we. Your bloggy friends! We are by your side, praying, loving and carrying this burden one day at a time!

    Love you sweet friend!


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!