I haven't done a Spiritual Sunday post in a while ~ not because there hasn't been MUCH on my heart I could have shared, but because I felt the Lord has been working on my heart about a few things, and He is DEFINITELY not finished yet. It is hard to put into words all the roads my mind and heart have been on; or remember all the scriptures I have come across that have soo spoken to me, and just as I would feel, "OK, now I can explain this", I would realize I really couldn't. This will no doubt be a weak attempt at trying to get it all down. I have come across soo many WONDERFUL writers in this blog world that soo thoroughly manage to write what is on their hearts and minds that I often think to myself, "That's it" "That's what I was trying to say", or consider just constantly steering everyone to the post I just read. I will confess at times it has made me feel why I bother to try, haha....And yet, I do feel the Lord has been impressing on my heart for a while to get this down....and so I will try.
I don't think I am a unique person really at all; a very ordinary woman with all the same emotions and thoughts that most 55 year old women think. Or I "think" so anyway. At times I feel like my life has gone by soo fast I couldn't possibly already be VERY near (this month) 56 years of age. I have raised my 4 children and am now blessed to be watching them raise theirs. And yet I still struggle with many of the same issues I have struggled with most of my adult life, and wonder why or IF I will ever arrive and just BE the woman I want soo much to be. Do you know what I mean? I look back and want my life to count. To feel like I've done what the Lord wanted me to do, and have accomplished what it was He would have had me do. I don't think anyone can live through a cancer scare and not have it affect their life in a dramatic way really. And I am no different. I have watched (and read of a couple as well) other women get the same diagnosis and go through some of the same things, and have been filled with an admiration of their braveness and courage, and been impressed with their ability to inspire me and no doubt many others along their way. And EVERY one of these women I have come across have had to go on to do chemo and/or radiation as well. Honestly, this has made me feel of course blessed beyond reason that I was spared this, but also guilty somehow that I wasn't. Why me? I have been feeling recently that surely the Lord wants me to DO something MORE with the life that He has allowed me to so graciously continue. Having a deep and heartfelt appreciation is not enough; a beginning maybe, but not enough. And so I've asked myself, WHAT is it that I am to do? I have searched scriptures looking for a clue, and pondered different possibilities, and yet I feel the Lord always leads me back to the same thing....Everything I have EVER managed to do with my life has come about ONLY through Him anyway. Left to myself I am VERY certain I would have floundered about my life in hopeless anxiety and fear. He ALONE should be glorified in all things, and that includes even only the small things I have done with my life. I don't think I will ever write a best-selling book, `conduct (or even speak at) a women's seminar, or inspire countless lives with my heartfelt attempts to shine God's light into this dark and troubled world. But what I can do is live my life loving God above all else and others around me as much as I love myself for as long as He gives me breath to do so. I am a very ordinary everyday woman whose purpose here on this earth is not to find pleasure for myself, but to bring pleasure to Him. Keep a heart that is open and willing to serve Him in ANY way He may chose to do so, and KNOW He loves me just the way I am. And so I will walk humbly with my God.
Phl 2:13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Mic 6:8 He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?
Luke 10:27 So he answered and said, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.
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May you all have a wonderful, safe, and RELAXING holiday week-end.