Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Well things just keep on happening over here.  It is hard not to want to know "why Lord?"  And yet, my faith and trust are FIRMLY planted in Him, and I just refuse to go there with my heart.  Bottom line?  My mother fell early last Monday morning at my sisters house while she was having a small seizure.  She was really VERY fortunate under the circumstances, as she only hurt her ankle, but she has been in the hospital these last couple of days getting tests to figure out what to do about the seizures, and has been in GREAT pain and therefore unable to even walk.  Her ankle is not broken, and the swelling is down considerably, but she is being transported to a rehabilitation nursing home this afternoon until she is able to get around some on her own.  There is no way either my sister or I can lift her or get her in out of bed or into the shower etc. on our own.

Around a year or so after her stroke (2 years ago this Sept.) she has been having small seizures.  Her original stroke was a bleeding stroke and caused trouble with her speech, reading, and numbers.  Her physical capabilities were not affected at all.  The seizures are just small misfires so to speak around the damaged area, and she begins to talk briefly in gibberish.  It usually frustrates her and causes great anxiety, but the worse of it is over in 15 minutes or so and then about an hour after that she is completely back to normal.  They must give her medication for this, and of course the medication causes various different side affects.  Fatigue, dry mouth and weakness in her legs to name a few.  She doesn't have them often, but of course it would better if she didn't have them at all.  Every once in a while they have increased the medication when the seizures got too close together.  She is also on blood pressure medication, and has recently developed diabetes 2.   This is the first time she has fallen during a seizure though, which of course puts a whole new spin on them.  They have increased the medication yet again.  I am afraid the weakness this causes in her legs might get to be too much and she won't be able to get around at all even with a walker.  Plus the pain meds they are giving her for her ankle are making her HORRIBLY sleepy.  I guess they are going to try and change that by tomorrow.  Meanwhile she is somewhat of a zombie.  Sooo drowsy and dozy she can barely talk....soo weak she shakes whiles trying to hold herself up, and hardly able to take more than a couple of steps even with the walker and assistance.   Sooo, I have no idea how long this is going to take to heal.  What her capabilities will be even after she is healed and on and on.  If she will be needing more out patient re-hab even after that.  Plus, her docs and hospitals etc., are STILL in Newport and Huntington Beach which are a LONG, TRAFFIC RIDDLED mess of a drive for me.  I really wanted mom to change her docs close to me when she moved in here in the event of something like this happening so I could help her with it all much more easily, but mom was not ready to "let go" of her doctor, and my sisters all felt we should wait to tell encourage her to do so.  Two of my sisters also live in Huntington Beach (actually only one but the other one is only about 15 min away), but she works full time and the other one is quite a bit younger than I am and has two young children she is still raising and therefore lots of responsibilities that go along with that .  My other sister lives over two hours away in the mountains, and is quite involved home schooling her grand daughter.  They are ALL very helpful when they can be and WANT very much to be there for my mom, but the reality is I am really the only one available on a daily basis.  I feel badly when any of them have to go to such great lengths to help mom out, feel like they are REALLY carrying far too big of a load when added to their other jobs etc.,  which then means I then end up driving several hours to do so when I wouldn't have to if we would have just changed the docs...sigh.  I guess the conclusion I have come to is this....I love my mom....unconditionally.... and will do what I can to help her.  If it means I drive WAY more than I want to while sitting in tons of traffic trying not to stress, AND spend the ridiculous amounts of money on gas that it costs these days, then I guess it is what it is and I will.  I believe my God will give me the strength and fortitude to do what I must do, and I will pray He will give me His heart in it as well.   But I can't do it everyday.  I know my own limitations and know I will end up getting the rest of the priorities of my life out of line if I do.  How difficult this has all ended up being.  Sometimes it is very hard to know what the right thing to do is.  So I go to my God in prayer, believing and trusting that He will direct my path, and keep my heart where it needs to be.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

I have spent the last two days at the hospital, and will go tomorrow until one of my sisters arrives in the afternoon.  A LONG week.  I was thinking back to last week (as I sat in traffic driving home today) to the fun mom and I had on our shopping trips.  How I pray she is back to her old self soon.  I feel soo bad for her.  How bewildered and overwhelmed she must be.  She laid in her bed yesterday looking soo small, and said with her lips trembling while wringing her little hands, "If I could just talk to Joe (her recently lost husband) for a few minutes."  It broke my heart.  I want to fix it all for her soo badly.

Guess that's it for now.  Sorry this was such a depressing post, but sometimes life is just plain old hard.  But again, I can honestly say that through it all I still feel the joy of my God and know His peace.   The Lord holds my very life in His Hands and He will NEVER leave us or forsake us.  We have been engraved in the palms of His Hands.

Romans 8:38-39  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angles nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Isaiah 49:16  See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands....


  1. Debbie, I'm so sorry about this turn of events. I will be praying that your mom comes through this with flying colors. Life is so hard for her right now and she's still grieving. The good news is that God knows all about it and He is, as you say, faithful to take up our cause as we yield it all to Him. Take it easy now and I hope that you will get a break yourself soon.

  2. Oh, Debbie, my heart breaks for you as you have to travel this difficult road. I'm praying that your mom will bounce back, that the doctors will be able to find the right dose of meds that will do the job without unpleasant side effects, that your mom will be persuaded to find doctors closer to your home, and that you will continue to find rest and comfort from our Lord. {{hug}}

  3. I'm really sorry this has happened. So sad to see our parents like this. Your faith is amazing and you need to know that the Lord will honor your faith and your testimony. Praying for you and your dear mom.

  4. I'm so sorry to read this today Debbie. I am thinking of you and your family, and praying that your Mom heals quickly and can soon come home. I hope things work out in a way that is best for all regarding the driving situation and all. Sometimes life is just hard!!!

  5. Oh Debbie,
    You are in a hard place there is no doubt about that, but you and your life is just as important as all of your sisters. You need to give yourself a break. I know you want to do all of the right things but don't feel so bad that you can't do it perfectly every time. You have lots and lots going on in your life too. Your Mom will be okay, she has just had a bump in the road.
    I know God is with you and you don't realize what a blessing you are and just keep sharing it helps so much don't you think? I will continue to pray for you all.

  6. Debbie
    I am so sorry for the turn of events with your mom. Has anyone talked to you about a rehab close to your home after she gets out of the hospital for a couple of weeks, at least until she is able to walk better? I will pray that God will give you wisdom, endurance and strength as you navigate these waters. I hear your heart, sometimes life is just hard but you are not alone, the Lord is walking with you every step of the way
    Blessings and hugs

  7. Debbie, I so know what you are feeling and am so grateful that you know the only ONE that can possibly see you through this most difficult time. Caring for aging parents is one of life's most difficult challenges for sure. I pray that you will feel His strength sustain you and His peace surround you. And, remember, sometimes we have to make decisions that go against the grain but they have to be made. Such as changing your Mom's Drs. to a more "doable" distance for you. Another toughie, but I encourage to you to do what you feel would be best in the long run. Blessings abundant!

  8. Praying that your mom gets taken care of properly at the hospital and that she will be able to be back on her feet again soon. She will probably need to find new doctors closer to your home but I can understand the reluctance when a person feels comfortable with their current medical care. But that's a long way for you to have to drive.

    Blessings and love and hugs to you,

  9. This is not a depressing is a "it is what it is" post that you are so wonderful with. This post just screams love. We are in the midst of big decisions on my 97 year old sister-in-law does the work due to us living four hours away and other issues the keep us from being I appreciate her and others like her...YOU!

    I send my prayers of encouragement and hug! You are a wonderful daughter and you are storing up treasures in heaven

  10. Dear Debbie, There are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am that your Mom, you and your family are going through this trial! I will continue to pray for all. There is so much I want to say but words elude me. I see that you are relying on God's word, His promises never fail. Without These promises I could not have made it! And your name is inscribed on His palms!!!!

  11. I found your blog through Noreen and my heart heard yours well. I help with my 94 year old mother in law. I have always said the last season of life must be the hardest. There are many things that she could do to make it easier on all of us to help her stay in her home but she is just kind of set in her ways and fears loosing independence...which I get. Our hearts want to help, our bodies get weary helping and our hearts often break as we watch them struggle through things. He alone is able to get us through....indeed I am constantly learning that His grace is sufficient when I lay myself down before Him. Joy and strength to you!


I am so glad that you would take the time to comment on my thoughts and feelings, it is such a blessing to me!