Friday, January 11, 2013
THE BOX ON THE SHELF....
I am one of those people (I like to think anyway) who tries as hard as she can to look for the positive, dwell on the blessings, and set my mind on eternal things that mean the most. I don't like to admit (outside of my private prayer life) when I am feeling down, or overwhelmed, or just outright depressed. What's the point? I DON'T like pity, I DON'T like to wallow in self, and I definitely don't like to feel ungrateful for the abundant blessings I know my God pours out to me everyday. BUT! I guess every once in a while, "things" (my negative emotions I think I am referring to) spill out of their boxes where I keep them sometimes neatly sitting on a closet shelf all tied up with a bow. They flop around on the floor out of control, until I manage to get them all swept up and collected again and back in their proper place on the shelf. In the meantime they sit there, just waiting for me to acknowledge them I guess, when I stupidly open the closet door and let them out. Seems like an obvious conclusion doesn't it? DON'T open the door. Let the Lord control that closet. Set my mind whatsoever things are good as suggested in Philippians 4:8
Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.
But I have also discovered that I have found too that sometimes I need to just air the closet out a bit so to speak. Let myself just go ahead a feel down, sad, or depressed, and after a while, leave them at the feet of Jesus where they belong,
All this to say....I HATE my daughter living in another state, WITH my grandkids now, 1000 miles away from me and the rest of my family. I simply HATE it!! I HATE that my family has not been all together in over a year and won't be for ANOTHER whole year at least. I hate that I have finally realized (slow thinker sometimes) that THIS is just simply my new reality. While I enjoy a wonderfully close relationship with my daughter, usually talking everyday, she will not EVER really be a part of my everyday life. She will not be around to be at most (if any) of the family get togethers and functions, we will not lunch together, shop together, grab a cup of coffee, sit and watch her kids play and enjoy life, and the list just goes on and on. I would love to have her go with me to see my mom once in a while, attend church together, see a "girly" movie etc. occasionally. I want her kids to KNOW their cousins and play together with the rest of them excited to see each other when the time comes. I guess you get my point. I WANT her to live near us! Never in a million years did it ever occur to me that my daughter would live far away from me. How exactly did this happen?! I HATE when she has been here and she leaves because the closet door opens, everything falls out of the box, and I am busy this morning sweeping up the floor. AND! As soon as I finish getting things organized around here I will drive over to the hospital and visit and care for my mom. The doc did change her meds back to what they were, so HOPEFULLY that will bring a change for the better really soon. I soo want her out of there and back here and settled and being her old self. Everything little thing about that nursing home is soo depressing. To watch all those sweet souls as they sit around in wheels chairs, desperate for some sort of attention and focus is just soo overwhelming. And finally I talked to my sister Diane this morning who caught me up on Michelle's first chemo experience. So far Michelle is doing OK, though VERY tired and nauseated etc. Meanwhile my poor sister has her hands soo full with the 3 children and caring for Michelle, and everything she needs to do. Wish I lived close enough to be of some help to her.
Sooo, guess that is it for now. I know my God is faithful and His Mercy and grace will bring me through this mood and to the other side where I will again focus on my MANY MANY blessings, so sorry for this complaining, whining post. See the post below this to hear all the highlights, perks, and happy moments of this last week.
Enjoy your week-end, and hopefully this afternoon I will get around to visiting you all!
at 10:45 AM